Better the Devil you Know
by Casamyriln
Summary: Your name is John Egbert, super awesome demon hunter kinda , and you currently have a sunglasses clad demon sitting on your couch eating fruit loops out of what you believe is a mixing bowl, and frankly your a bit unsure of what to do.
1. He was the Cat and you were the Cream

Thank you everyone for reading. Check it out At AO3 archiveofourown .org /works/ 389459 too. Updates will come faster there too.

* * *

Your name is John Egbert, demon hunter extraordinaire, well maybe not so extraordinary, and you currently have a sunglasses clad demon sitting on yourcouch eating fruit loops out of what you believe is a mixing bowl, and frankly your a bit unsure of what to do next.

I'd probably be best if you started from the beginning.

== Go to the day before

It is now the day before and you are currently and always will be John Egbert. Yes, John Egbert who only two days earlier finally finished unpacking and furnishing your new apartment, that you just moved into, alone, if you will add. Yep 18 years old, out of the house, and finally a worthy adult without a father hovering over your shoulder.

Not that you don't love your father, its just that, sometimes he was a bit overzealous in teaching you his super manly ways in the family tradition. Which just so happened to be demon hunting. Thanks to your bloodlines knack for being immune most all of demons psychic tricks made you guys great for the job and it rendered most demons into just really insanely strong and evil people, who sometimes did magic and stuff. No big deal.

Your two awesome cousins, Jade and Jake, who are—did I already say awesome? Are awesome demon hunters too and they make your fathers manly chest swell with pride. Unlike you and your sister, Jane, who you like to think are just a bit too nice for this field of work. But every time your father just sighs and says you both take after your mother, who was just as kind, and that he still loves you no matter what. Nevertheless you still tried your best to be as great a hunter as you could be to make him proud.

But finally you moved out, now trying to make a place for yourself in this city you now call home. Thankfully you don't have to work and demon hunt at the same time—that would be ridiculous. No you get paid for your services by the mayors office in a, wink wink nudge nudge kinda deal, as long as you keep getting rid of the pesky lower demons that tend to clog up in the city, the city will pay you back, in money. How easy is that?

Now lower demons you don't have much problem with killing, though you did as a kid. Lesser demons look like semi-invisible bug monsters and are just down right ugly. They send out waves of negative energy that cause normal humans to be, for lack of a better word, dicks to each other. Then the demons feed off the bad vibes, causing an endless cycle and loads of pissed off people. So yeah not too much skin off your teeth to get rid of the nasty little buggers.

But higher level demons? Those guys scare the crap out of you. Your not even sure if you could kill one if it showed up in front of you. But you weren't going to think about those guys, you've heard from a few good sources that those higher level demons don't bother going out and causing a ruckus in the middle of town, and prefer to keep whatever lives demons keep a bit quieter than one would imagine. The only thing you would have to worry about is a rabid demon, like those vampires in stories that would swoop through a town and drain it dry, Yeah those kind of dudes happened every so often, which you ended up hoping wasn't so often in this case.

But back to your job, which you regret to inform you haven't actually started yet, although you do plan to remedy that fact today and finally start earning your keep. As soon as you get done putting on your shoes you are going to run yourself down to the central park only a few blocks away and start the monotonous job of putting up attraction and destruction spells which would, as you guessed it, lure demons towards them unknowingly and then destroy them. An easy way of crop clearing masses of those lower level baddies.

All of which actually entailed running around the city almost everyday putting up little frowny green slime ghost stickers—the wards if you hadn't guessed—only to do it again the next day and put up new stickers to replace the used ones. Thankfully you didn't have to go back and peal each and every used ward off wherever the hell you had put them, once activated the ward burns up leaving only ash behind.

Standing in front of the doorway you made a last check of your belongings: keys, phone, wallet, music player, and every bit of space left on your person filled with stickers? All check. Pushing in your ear buds and pressing random on your music player you were now ready to start your day at work. A smile cracked over you more than average front teeth, yes life was good.

* * *

You ended up making it back home a little before the sun began to set, tired but very pleased with the amount of work you you managed to do. You didn't come home with a single ward left on you. After taking a well deserved shower, whipping yourself up some dinner—which just ended up being Chinese delivery—and watching Con Air once again, you found yourself curious if any of the wards had been set off yet. All to quickly you ended up just a bit more than curious to see your own handiwork in use. Not to mention the persistent voice in the back of your head sounded way too much like a child showing off their achievement and demanding praise, and you were going to fulfill that inner voice even if the only one to praise it was you.

Soon enough you were at the entrance to the park you had mentioned earlier, yeah you had put up a few wards on the way here during your run through but this is where you began to put them up in earnest, knowing that this park was often used as a travel route for people trying to get across town made it much busier than a normal park.

You were happy so see a bunch of the places you remember sticking them were gone, put to use already and you quickly ducked off the path to check those you had put deeper into the tree covered area. Barely checking the wards you began to enjoy the feel of the night air on your skin, just chill enough for you to be thankful for the zip up you were wearing and the relaxing touch of the kind of breeze you only got at night made you so relaxed and peaceful you couldn't help but begin to daydream.

A daydream that was all to quickly cut short as your lazy wandering eyes locked on to a prone form at the base of a tree, a tree you had marked, which meant this was a homeless person or a demon, a demon your ward wasn't strong enough to kill but more than enough to harm. Oh god please be a homeless person.

Please, please, please, with a fucking cherry.

Nope no cherry for you, as you slouched down and poked who ever this guys was with a conveniently found stick—you weren't about to touch him obviously—you noticed blood around his head and chest. It didn't look like he was beat up, it looked like a small bomb had gone off in front of him, that and from what you saw of him, white hair wasn't exactly normal.

Shit, shit, now what do you do? Fuuuccckkk. Fuck me. So do I kill him? Do I leave him here? Oh my god. Fuuuuccckk mee. Uuuhhhhh...iyftudrtyedesfgg...

After about another minute of that you finally calm yourself down from your freakout, and, much to your own amazement have come to the conclusion that you cant just leave this guy here. Really your father must of taught you a bit too well how to be a good person, although you knew he never meant for those teachings to include demons.

But you didn't live with your father anymore and it didn't matter what he thought, you are John Egbert, and you know you are making one of the biggest mistakes of your fucking life.

Scooting closer you don't see much more of his face than when you poked him, still noting just the pair of aviators and the shock of white hair in the darkness of the park,. Awkwardly you maneuvered yourself and manage to hoist him up on to your back; with his chest up against you and his butt in your hands.

Yes his butt was if your hands, so what? You try carrying a 150 pound dude on your back without touching some butt and see how you like it. And also you were pretty sure you didn't like guys. You even gave it a sec to look down at The Hammer or little Egbert to check, nope not liking this one bit.

Finally you make it up to your apartment door, tired to all hell out. Fumbling with your keys you manage to open the door and still keep your passenger on your back as you make your way inside. Your first thoughts are to just plop his ass on to the couch and leave him but you end up deciding against it. It was your ward that ended up with him hurt the way he was and you weren't just about to start neglecting him the minute you walk into your home.

Trudging you make it to your room and are at last able to abandon the guy who had been laying on your back for the last 20 minutes. Carefully you ease him onto your bed and try to make him as comfortable as possible until you stop caring and just decide your tired as fuck. You only find half a moment to scrawl a seal on a piece of paper and haphazardly taping it to the outside of your bedroom door—you didn't want some strange demon guy trying to kill you in your sleep before you even got a chance to chat with him, did you?

Within moments you find yourself slumped face first into the plush fabric of the couch and really you don't remember all to much after that.

* * *

"Dude, wake up."

"Dude. Broski. Mr. Bucktooth drooling over there. Wake up."

"I can tell your not going to kill me because killers don't drag home victims to their beds and then choose to sleep on the couch. Though the trapping me in your room part kinda fits the bill."

"Look if you don't let me out of here soon I promise I will pee on everything you own, then it will be mine. And you would be all like 'oh please Mr. Strider can I have my computer back?' and I'd be like 'Hell no, this is mine now, I peed on it.'"

"What no laughter from the peanut gallery? ….Aw sick your drooling more now. You look like stupid fatty, fat, fat baby you know that? Fatty-chan."

"...DUDE!"

Finally that woke you up—but the jumping up, arms flailing, and then falling face first into the floor helped too. Trapped inside your own hoodie for the first terrifying moments left you struggling on the floor before finally finding some stable footing and managing to stand up. You even pulled off wiping the crusted spit off your face before trying to meet this loud obnoxious house guest.

Slowly walking over you found yourself face to sunglasses with the demon guy you had saved last night. God you still cant believe you did that. And it also pissed you off to realize he was taller than you, not by much but enough you had to angle your head back to meet his face square on.

"So are you going to keep standing there ogling my face or are you going to finally let me out of here so I can go piss?"

"You promise you wont do any bad things if I let you out?"

"Yes ma'am, I wont destroy your shitty apartment nor call a horde'a demon bats to shit on your face, is that good enough for you?"

"I guess...but no need to be a dick about it."

"Shoot you try having a destruction spell try its damnedest to pull your guts out from your eyes and tell me how you feel the next morning in some strange dudes house. Who happens to also have a terrible choice in movies and actors, as is apparent from your wall of posters."

"Hey Nick Cage is awesome and my movies aren't terrible!"

"Yeah huh."

"No they're not."

"Yeah. They are."

You both continued to banter back and forth like that without really trying for a few more rounds, and sometime in the middle of the whole charade you finally managed to yank down the barrier spell to set the asshole in front of you free. And as soon as it was down he bumps past you and walks into the living room like he owns the place and keeps walking, apparently intent on finding this mysterious bathroom. You stare after him thinking for a sec to tell him where it is, but no, its a small apartment he should be able to find it no problem. And true to your thoughts he comes back a few moments later with his hair fixed and whatever blood had been left on his face gone. Much to your surprise the wounds from last night had disappeared.

"You got anything to eat? I'm starving."

"Yeah check the kitchen out, I'm gonna go change real quick."

"Thanks, but don't be surprised if there's nothing left when you come back."

"Fine, fine. Oh, don't touch the Chinese food, that's mine!"

A petulant 'aww' was heard from the kitchen before you closed your bedroom door. Thank god he didn't ransack your room while he was awake, you know he had more than a chance and you gave him a little bit of credit for that. Grabbing whatever was at hand you dressed yourself in fresh clothes and found your way back into the living room.

The sight that greeted you was a white haired boy about your age, rocking dark aviators—which you still haven't seen him take off yet—in a beat up hoodie still decorated with some blood and a pair of ripped up dark cargo pants, all sitting on your couch with a mixing bowl in his hands shoveling fruit loops into his maw like it was his first meal in days. He really looked like a normal human, also he had found the remote and was apparently watching My Little Pony.

Half at a loss of what to do with yourself you walked your way across the room and joined him on the couch, neither of you saying a word. Quickly you opted to zone out, not really caring about ponies or their problems, but you did catch something about a wedding or something, whatever. The show must have been half over because a few moments later the end song was rolling and the channel began to change to the next program.

The demon boy took that chance to mute the TV sending the room into relative silence, the honks and beeps of cars nearby were the only sounds heard. Out the corner of your eye you caught your guest opening his mouth looking as if he were about to speak only to close it again. After a few more tries he finally spoke.

"So you obviously know, what I am right?"

"Uh, yeah, I do."

"So why did you grab me last night if you knew?"

"...Cuz I felt really bad for the state you where in and it was all my fault and it was the least I could do. Not much of a demon hunter now am I?"

"So your the asshole who put up those fuckin spells that led me to get my ass handed back to me on a silver fucking platter, huh?"

"Yeah that was me."

"...Whatever its cool man. I should of kept my wits about me and realized I was being drawn by a damn attraction spell."

Silence once again filled the room, that would not do you had to say something.

"So whats your name? Where are you from?"

"You wanna know my name?"

"Yeah! Whats wrong with that?"

"Nothin, the names Dave and I was born in Texas, but I moved to Georgia bout 14."

"Georgia? Why Georgia?"

"You know the song The Devil Went Down to Georgia? Yeah Bro thought it was hilarious and giggled the whole damn drive there, so fuckin proud of himself."

"You have a brother?"

"Yeah, an older brother an sister: bro's a dick and Roxy's a drunkard, I also have a sister Rose who's doing whatever the fuck she does with her vampire girlfriend. Now enough about me, whats your deal?"

"Oh, um, my names John Egbert, and I used to live in Washington state and moved down here only like a week ago. Uh, I have an older sister Jane, and I lived with my two cousins: Jade who's my age and Jake who is more Janeys age. My father mostly raised all of us up together and taught us how to be demon hunters and stuff. But as you can tell I'm not very good at it."

"Heh no shit."

"Shut up Dave your the one who got caught in my trap!"

"Well the only reason I got caught in your shitty trap was that it was such a piece of crap I couldn't even recognize it."

"Your just angry you got your ass beat by my wards."

"Yes so angry, so infuriatingly angry you cannot believe. I may even go grimdark over here with this level of enraged emotion I am having. But look lets stop with the introduction OK, I'm still hungry as fuck and I do believe you owe me dinner and some shit because you're the cause of the state I am currently in at the moment. Deal?"

"What? I have to take you out to dinner? What like a date? And you just ate all my fruit loops, how in the hell are you still hungry? What are you a black hole?"

"Yes a date Egbert, I demand the most ironic of dates. With dinner and a movie and all your feeble mind can think of. That is if you even can, which just for the record, I think you don't have the lady balls to try to do something that ironically awesome."

"I do too have the balls, big dude balls, not lady balls. And I will take you on the most ironic date-venture ever!"

* * *

And so you did. Once you and Dave made it out of the apartment your first stop was at a nearby McDonalds and was not, you assured him the dinner you were going to take him to, but so Dave would shut up about how hungry he was.

You started the date with the best ironic idea you could come up with and took him too a mini-golf arcade place called Alternia and you guys did the whole nine yards.

You and Dave had bright pink and purple golf balls that matched the puny putters you both had been handed and played through all 24 holes with complete sincerity. Once that game was finished—with Dave being the winner—the pair of you proceeded to have a contest in the arcade who could win the most tickets. And thankfully the winner of that face off was you, though Dave was a close second. Both of you choose a prize: you picked a bright red crocodile in sunglasses and Dave picked out what looked to be a yellow salamander with a spit bubble in its mouth.

Without a word each of the chosen plushies were pushed towards your respective partner. You started to snort and giggle when you realized the both of you had thought the same thing, you even thought you saw a sort of smile on Daves face; well that was before he took it upon himself to smother you with the yellow stuffed animal to death.

The portion of the date spent at the put-put place ended with both of you crammed into a decrepit foot powered swan boat, each of the new felt consorts siting in each of your laps as you guys did circles around the sorry excuse for a lake until it was time to stop.

After that it was time for the dinner part, and you think you really out did yourself there. Remembering seeing a diner nearby you and Dave proceeded to share and extra large milkshake—two straws—and a burger for each of you.

Since the date began neither of you had brought up what either of you where, no demons or demon hunters were mentioned the whole time thankfully. You did find out that you guys had a lot in common. You were both close to the same age with Dave a few months older, both passionate about video games and movies, although the content of each is where you began to differ. You both had some kind of passion for music: you in love with the piano and Dave with his turn tables and 'sick beats' as he called them, he even said he sang a bit but would not demonstrate that ability no matter how much you begged.

Full and satisfied—although Dave whined how he was _still_ hungry—you and your date found yourselves at the movie theater watching the loop of ads roll before the film finally started, an extra large tub of buttery popcorn in Dave's lap and a large coke sitting between you two—it was a date of course you both had to share. Not forgotten the pair of stuffed animals you both had won also sat together in a neighboring chair. The movie thankfully started only a few moments after you sat down.

It was an awesome action flick, full of car chases and explosions, beautiful women and the blossoming romance between the action star and his love interest, case in point, it was awesome. Though your date didn't think so and took many opportunities to tell you as you left the theater and on the way home.

Long past sunset it was dark when you both made it to the door of your apartment. Another bout of awkwardness decided to show its fat head as you two just stood there for a moment, but deciding it would be best to go inside you turned and began to fumble with your keys while trying to keep a hold of your stuffed prize at the same time.

"So was the date ir-" You began throwing a glance over your shoulder before being turned around and roughly pushed against the door by the white haired guy now standing front of you. Without even enough time to question what the hell he was doing you found his mouth on yours. It was hot and fierce and you had never been kissed like this in your whole life, ok well its not like you were kissed a lot anyway but forget that and back to now with Dave kissing you. Dave, a dude you just met this time last night was kissing you, and he was a demon, and a guy and Dave.

You could of gone longer with your inner freak out but at that moment Dave took that opportunity to deepen the kiss, mashing his face against yours causing your body to go slack dropping keys and toys alike.

Feeling the lick of his tongue against your lips you couldn't stop yourself from parting your own just a bit in response. Taking full advantage of that slip Dave thrust this own hot tongue into your mouth, setting afire whatever it happened to touched, the sensation making your head spin. Just as you were getting your wits together enough to maybe push him away Dave broke contact with your face, staring down at you with his godawful smirk.

You could feel the effects of the kiss although had only been a few seconds; your face was flushed, your panted breath ragged, you even think your legs are a bit weak too. Cursing yourself for reacting to his attack you pushed the back of your hand to your mouth, maybe in someway trying to prevent him from doing it again, to block yourself from him. From behind your had you saw him lick his lips slowly, with the same infernal appendage that had intruded into your mouth, and that smirk return to his lips once more.

"Now that, was a meal. Thanks for the great date Egbert. See ya soon." The last part of the sentence was said as he dipped down to pick up his discarded crocodile and walked—no fucking sauntered away like the cat that just gotten into the cream. Except you were the cream, and you didn't know how much you like that particular idea, also you just realized that simile ended up really really gay.

And all you could think of as your weakened legs finally gave way, the back of your hand still glued to your face as you slid down the door was: What the fuck just happened?


	2. Pepsi Cola

Really, what the fuck just fucking happened? You have admit that yeah, you had partially forgotten that the guy you took on an ironic bro-date was _actually_ a demon and not just a really chill and awesome dude. God you cannot _believe _you let the fact slip your mind and let that happen. Oh the happening that you keep referring to is that you, Jonathan Allen Egbert, were just kissed buy this guy you met only last night, who was as you said, is a god damned demon named Dave.

God you didn't even know his last name. What kind of person are you not asking his last name? Wait never mind, go back to freaking out about how you were just kissed. Also the thought has crossed your mind that you might just know what kind of demon he was. If the unexplainable weakness and rather horny feelings that had overcome you just a few moments after the kiss were any indication, you'd bet that Dave was an incubus. Aka a sex demon. Great. Super. Fucking. Great.

Finally feeling a bit of strength return to your jelly legs you actually managed to get yourself inside your house without falling face first into the carpet. You also managed to pick up the toy that asshole had won for you—whose name was Casey by the way, the toy, not Dave. You were lucky the kiss was so short and he had only taken enough energy to make you weak for about a minute or so, thank goodness for small miracles.

Catching your breath you managed to calm yourself on the couch as you went through your mental library of information about demons and tried to remember all you knew about incubuses:

_ An incubus was the male version of a succubus, other than the downstairs pluming they were both the same: demons who took energy from humans to stay alive, taken most often from intimate and sexual activities. Classified as a D-level demon and an general low threat they weren't much to worry about. Overall parasites with no real danger to a population. All incubus/succubus appear relatively human but with striking odd colored eyes that are used to entrap victims with their psychic gaze. For a normal human to lock eyes with one would cause the victim to be immediately attracted to the demon and become extremely susceptible to suggestions. They hypnotism itself doesn't last long but orders planted strong enough will linger, and repeated coercion will cause said change to become permanent. A succubus/incubus cannot drain a persons energy to death, no matter how long the victim was "engaged" with the demon, the human at most will only need a days rest to fully recover and the symptoms of the lack of energy is reminiscent of the flu, mostly physical and mental exhaustion, fixed with lots of sleep, food and water. _

OK so it wasn't like Dave was going to come back and kill you and everyone in the town anytime soon, but still, the fact that you had dropped your guard so easily and didn't even take the time to find out what kind of demon he was bothered you. How in the hell were you _this _bad of a demon hunter? You know your dad had taught you better than to end up in this predicament. Hell if it was your father he probably would of just killed Dave as soon as he found him at the base of that tree.

But you didn't. Now that you think of it, you don't think you could either. Even though Dave was apparently a giant douche who liked to steal kisses, he was a really cool dude. You didn't want to admit it but you had the best time than you've had in days—weeks even. It was hard moving to a new city alone, with no friends and family to keep you company. And it was just your luck that the first friend you made was a demon guy who may or may not want to sex you up...maybe. Or whatever the hell incubuses actually do with their friends.

Now what? You don't want to kill him, and the idea of still being friends with him kinda makes you happy, but hes also a dick and just because you still want to be friends does not mean you are not hella pissed at how he took advantage of you.

You are delicate god dammit! Like a flower!

OK, so plan of action: do nothing, but angrily-like, like ignore him and don't talk to him or anything for like a week, yeah that'll teach him. There were also waay too many likes in that last sentence for you but now was not the time for coherent thoughts, now was the time for petty schoolhouse grudges.

God you've never felt more adult in your life.

* * *

Thankfully enough Dave made it easy for you to ignore the crap out of him, five days passed without hide nor hair of him. Which was good, but the bad part was your overly kind and forgetful heart took that time to basically forgive and promptly forget: about Dave and the kiss. So seeing him again was surprising to say the least. Especially when that said person was like a ninja or something and can't say hi like a normal human. Even if he was a demon.

The day started out normal. You had decided to do you 'job' promptly this morning so you would have all day to kill, but all too soon you found yourself bored out of your mind sitting alone in your house. The TV nor internet held any long lasting diversion for you and the terrible feeling of itching inside your own skin had settled over you. You hated it. When faced with mind killing boredom you had a habit of doing the first thing you could think of, if only for something to do. And the thought that waltzed into your noggin at that moment was _'I want a Pepsi.'_ That was it, plain and simple but more than an enough excuse to leap off the couch and stuff your shoes on.

After basically running yourself down to the corner store you found yourself in possession of a perfectly chilled Pepsi, your craving satisfied—in record time if you do say so. Your excitement all used up you instead chose to leisurely stroll back home, just to enjoy the city streets for once while you happily sipped at your drink. Well, that was before you were rudely interrupted.

"Dude, you drink Pepsi? Uhh, I cant be married to you anymore, I think we need a divorce."

Honest to goodness at that moment you did the first spit take of your life, spraying the thankfully void area in front of you with soda. Whipping your head around you turned to stare incredulously at the familiar face a few steps behind. You finally managed to find your voice as you wiped the excess soda from your face.

"D-Dave?"

"That's my name. And just for you sweet cheeks, you can wear it out a—ll night long."

God you could not believe this prick, making inappropriate jokes when you haven't seen him for days, acting like the last thing he did _wasn't_ kiss you. And that shit eating grin on his face wasn't making you feel much more amicable towards him either.

Actually listening to your better judgment for once you chose to ignore the second lewd statement and instead respond to the first: how dare he insult your love of Pepsi?

It was way too easy to fall into the comfortable banter you both had developed only a few days prior. Thankfully though you still managed to keep your distance from him. You hadn't forgotten about last time...if only barely.

"Well yeah of course we're going to have to get a divorce, I don't know how I was with someone who didn't share my one true love. I just don't get how you like that Coke crap, I use it to clean my car battery, imagine what it does to your stomach."

"Ha. ha. ha. Real funny. Is that why my drink is the number one brand sold in the world? Don't try me boy, I have lived in the Coke capitol, I have beheld the Coca-Cola Factory. Believe me I will win."

"Oooh I'm soo scared Dave, watch me run away in panic of how scared I am."

"Yeah you better run. Wait! Ebgert where ya goin? Wait up."

"Walking home. Like I was doing before you rudely interrupted me. Also I thought we got a divorce."

"Nah the papers were never mailed. Don't worry about it sweetie, that was just a bump in the road of our beautiful life together, I still love you, even though you apparently have crap taste in soda _and_ movies."

"You have the crap tastes Dave, not me."

"Says the one with the walls of their room covered in B-movie posters like a 13 year old girl."

"Whatever, don't follow me dude I'm still mad at you."

"Mad about what? …..Wait, you're _still _mad? That was like a week ago. And I never thought you would get that upset about it, I was just fucking with you. Seriously."

"Yes I'm _still_ mad. You don't kiss guys you just met to fuck with them Dave, nor do you _feed _on them without asking or anything! If you hadn't walked away so fast afterwards I would of kicked your ass I was so mad."

"You kick my ass? I doubt you could of even chased me after our little kiss."

You refuse to answer him and respond instead with a glare as you bring your bottle up for a sip.

"I didn't just hatch yesterday Egderp, this is my game, I know the rules and I know what happens. But fine fine, if it gets your frilly panties up in a bunch, I wont touch you anymore alright? Your too fucking fun to mess with to have you ignore me because I cant keep my hunger in check. But just for the record I blame you for being delicious. Its like walking next to a cake that you cant even taste, hella frustrating bro, you don't even understand my pain over here. I could cry."

Delicious? You! Yeah you don't like cake that much anymore, but you used to, and being compared to one is kinda really embarrassing, especially when they just said more or less that they want to eat you. Gosh you can feel your face flushing, even the tips of your ears feel hot. Walking a bit faster ahead you hope he doesn't notice how uncomfortable his comment just got you.

Uh get yourself together John you cant blush like a virgin every time something like this happens, and the probability of it happening a lot more is pretty high, so pull yourself together man!

Face much less flushed now you spare a quick glance at your now apparent walking partner. He looked the same as before, white-blonde hair and those big aviators sitting on his face were no different, but he was wearing clothes that were a bit better for wear than last time. Ratty hoodie and pants were replaced by tight black skinny jeans a thin red zip up with what seemed to be some underground band Tee underneath.

"Hey. Whats your last name Dave."

"Your asking this...now? Why?"

"Well we're married aren't we, shouldn't I know my brides last name?"

"Whoa, hold up man, if anything your the wifu here not me, I got way too much swag to fit into thong ya hear."

Opting for your best choice you didn't speak, just kept truckin along the sidewalk and taking another swig of soda. But after a pause he finally spoke.

"Strider."

"That's your last name? Strider?"

"Ah yup."

"See it wasn't that hard, stop being such a pansy."

"N-ope."

"Gosh shut up Dave, instead of Strider it should be Snarky, since that seems to be all your good for."

"What? Dude I'm good for a lot of things, I could show you things that would blow your mind. And I'm not even including my skills in the sac."

"Pshh you're just blowing smoke, like you could surprise me with anything."

"Oh yeah? Wanna bet? A for real bet though, not like 5 dollars or some weak shit."

"Fine, if I win...you have to wear a dress for a week, all the time too, not like for an hour but whenever you go out and stuff."

"Alright. And just for the record Egbert, if you did win, which you ain't, I would rock a dress so hard it wouldn't be funny. Hordes would still flock to me to get a bit of the Strider magic. Ok so if I win...hmm...I get to be your roommate."

"My roommate? Why would you want to do that?"

"Truly? So I can bother you anytime I want. I haven't had this much fun since I was like 14, or that one birthday Bro threw for me where I ate so much I couldn't think of food for 'bout a week."

"One of your best birthdays memories is when you ate a lot?"

"Yeah it was like a buffet, best day ever."

"Whats so special about a buffet? They're not endangered or anything. They're like three of them near here."

"Dude. …...You don't get it?"

"Get what? That you had a fat party and stuffed your face till you couldn't move?"

"Sorta? OK I'll spell it out for you since your a bit dense apparently. I am an incubus. I eat sex. I ate so much I didn't eat for a week. My birthday party was an orgy Ebgert.. They even had a chick come out of the cake and everything."

You didn't realize your feet had stopped moving until Dave started talking a breath later."You OK bro? God if you were a computer I'd say you were showing me a blue screen, but from the attractive color on your face I'd call it red. Sorry I didn't censor myself Johny-boy I thought we were both adults here."

"I'm an adult! I just didn't expect you to be so blunt about it all. Talking about sex doesn't bother me."

"I'd say something to contradict that statement but the attractive strawberry color you've turned is more than enough. Don't worry I wont bother you anymore with my crass comments. I'll save the pillow talk for later."

"D-Dave!"

"Yeah, I know, I know. I'll save my charm for later lest your poor heart doth expire from embarrassment. Now don't we have a bet to settle?"

"Fine lets get this over with so you can loose."

"You that eager to see me in a dress Egbert? Didn't pin you as that type. Come one, I know just where to go. And if my guess is correct I might just rock your world."

* * *

You ended up walking with Dave for another 45 minutes before he finally made any comment about the destination you two were heading towards. And rather surprising, or unsuprising, it was only to say '_we're here'._

"Here" being oddly enough the very same park where you had found Dave the week prior.

"The park? Your going to blow my mind with a park I've been through at least fifty times? So what size dress do you wear Dave? 10, 12? You think we should get you some matching shoes to go with them?"

"Can it Egbutt. Anyone can be cocky before the game starts but try saying that to my face after I've shown my hand, OK?"

"Fine."

"Now which side of this park had that thing they actually manage to call a lake?"

After getting just a bit turned around you guys finally managed to find the elusive lake. You thought it was nice, no matter Dave's comments about it earlier. Sitting about the half the length of a football field it was pretty decent sized for being in a city park. At the northern end picnic tables and grills had been placed for those who wanted to use them and the southern area was decorated with a small grove of willow trees placed near the water line. Followed by a concrete path that paved a way around and throughout the lake and park.

At this time of day not many people were near your chosen destination. The overhead sky was dyed orange and red from the setting sun, winter still keeping a tight hold so the days continued to end early no matter how warm the days seemed to get.

From the get go once you and Dave finally found the lake he began directing you towards the south end, the one with the willows. You still had no idea what was going on but your curiosity had been piqued. What could he be about to show you that would, in his words "Rock your world"?

All along the path benches had been placed for those who wanted to rest by the lake-side, and that is promptly where you found your behind sitting when Dave directed you to do so. But oddly enough he didn't join you, instead walking the few steps to the water line and crouching down; arms hanging limply between his legs, slouched over, peering into the water.

None of it made sense to you so far, a part of your mind was thinking he had to be just messing with you again, but the other part could only wonder what in the hell was about to happen.

Especially when Dave started talking. Not to you, the water.

"Ehy. Sexy mammas. I know you pretty babes can hear me. Bring your bodacious water boo-tays over here so I can win a bet with this derpy dude behind me." "Playin' hard to get huh? OK how bout this, next time I'm by I'll bring you gals flowers, not roses, nah that's too mainstream. Ha, get it main-stream? No, I'm gonna get you beauties lilies, an arm full of em, with a bit of jasmine thrown in because I know you girls love the smell."

"Eheheh throw in some roses David and you got yourself a deal."

"Nice to see you again too doll-face. Now where are your equally hot sisters?"

You could not believe what your eyes were telling you. In front of you, was at your best bet maybe one of the most beautiful girls you've ever seen. Which would have been awesome any other time. But she had appeared from the water; not like _Oh yeah I was swimming in this lake and decided to swim my ass __over here_, no she had formed out of the water like she was made from it. Which you guess she was? At the moment you couldn't rightly think to well, especially since she and Dave had begun talking once again.

"They're waiting to see what exactly you want David, and they made me come up and ask. Its not often you visit us, and never with a human. But I knew you wouldn't of tried to call us up if you didn't trust the guy. So what is it you want again?"

"Like I said sweet cheeks I'm tryin to win a bet over here. And I think I was right in my guessing Johns never been rightly introduced to spirituals of the kinder persuasion, like yourselves. John, this pretty little lady right here is a water elemental, an undine. Also known as nymphs or neriads, which in this case you girlies would be limnades, right? Lake nymphs specifically."

"Oooh David your going to make us bubble to bits with all this flattery of yours. Don't stop for a second. Hehhehe"

The single nymph was not so single anymore, during Daves introduction to you apparently her sisters had chosen to join in the festivities as well. The shore line before you was now filled with the bodies of water spirits, about eight in total, all crowded together trying to get a word or two in with their adorable 'David' as they called him. The water swished and frothed with them, the sound their giggling voices somehow reminiscent of the babbling of brooks and creeks.

All of the nymphs were pretty, no beyond pretty, other worldly so. But something didn't seem _right_ when you looked at them. Maybe it was their too large eyes that seemed darker than possible, or the pale perfect skin that would later remind you of drowned flesh—which only at the moment seemed lovely in the light of the fading sunset.

These were beings of pure water; limbs not immersed in the dark depths ceased to exist at all. You could still see under the water from where they were jostling in front of Dave, but the remainders of torsos and legs you could not see, just the sloshing of water and the slight outlines of human-esq forms below.

A nudge from Dave woke you from your thought locked brain. You hadn't even noticed him coming over to join you on the wooden bench.

"So was I right in guessing your old man never showed you spirits like these gals? Only taught you about the parasites and predators you would be dealin with I bet. No offense, like I see where he was comin from and all, if you're gonna be a killer why show you things your not going to be killing, right?"

"Yeah, Dad never taught me about spirits other than demons. Somehow I never thought to ask either. Like I knew they existed in the same way I know the Queen of England does, yeah shes there but its not like I'm ever going to meet her so why bother asking how she likes her tea and stuff. You know what I mean?"

"Its OK dude, knowing about them really wouldn't of done you a great deal of good in the long run like you said. They don't ever come out around humans anymore, so they would never end up falling into your jurisdiction in the first place. But just because you don't need to know them doesn't mean you shouldn't."

Not really having an answer at the moment it was easier for your to just stare ahead and nod in response. The undines still gathered at the edge of the lake, giggling amongst themselves, almost blending in to the dark surrounding water. Dusk had begun to fall during your encounter with them, the only remnants of the day remaining was the darkening twilight that threatened on full night with every passing moment.

After a few more minutes the water spirits had apparently begun to get bored with watching two guys gaze at their lake but not pay attention to them, and one by one and in pairs they began to disappear, a few calling after Dave saying to not forget the promise of the flower offerings.

"You Ok John? I hope I didn't break you for real this time. You know, I would of shown you the other elementals too. But they're a bit harder to get a hold of. Slyphs never stay in one place for long, always gone with any breeze that passes, forgetful bunch too. Dryades n' brownies are too shy to come out when you call. And fire elementals are a bit rare to find, like the only places to go are areas with geothermal activity. Not that easy. Not worth it either. But its easy to get the nymphs attentions and they're notoriously vain, but not in a bad way, just more like things always go a bit easier when flattery and gifts are used in the process. Ya know? Now I gotta get those flowers in the next few days or I'll upset'm, and then the next time I wanna chat they're gonna be pissy. Where am I going to get those flowers, I haven't been to a flower shop in years. How much to flowers cost any way I dont eve-"

"Dave. Your babbling. Shush." It must have been the silence that had descended on both of you that had sent the guy next to you into a rambling fit. He must be the type that feels the need to fill those awkward silences with as many words as possible until conversation starts again. The thought made you smile, Mr. colder than dry-ice wasn't so cool after all.

"I'll help you find flowers later alright?"

"Yeah OK. Hey quick question. Do I win the game then?"

God he was looking at you with his aviators and that infuriating smirk and you knew that he had rightfully won the bet. As much as the kid in you wanted to be all _'Jk dude of course you cant stay with me' _you were unfortunately raised to be good to your word, no matter how unpleasant the consequences were.

Not that the idea of living with Dave was unpleasant, it was all just rather sudden, like a TV show or comic, two people pushed together so abruptly, but as they say art mimics life. This situation couldn't of been that uncommon out in the real world, could it?—well that is excluding the supernatural aspects in your particular case.

"Just so you know Dave, you're paying rent, utilities too."

"Wouldn't have it any other way Egbert."

The moon glowed fat on the still lake, its mirrored surface broken by the occasional splash—you even thought you heard a giggle or two. But as you and Dave sat on the wooden park bench the boughs of willow trees surrounding you both, you could only wonder what else would be in store for you now? Life with demons was odd enough as it were but living with _a_ demon is something totally new to you, and truthfully, you weren't too sure what to expect.

But you had a pretty good feeling overall. Things would be rough but life would never be boring that was for sure. And who knows maybe being roomies with Dave wont be so bad. Well as long as he doesn't think living with you makes you OK to snack on.

Whatever, you'll bring it up later, but right now the sounds of the city seemingly so far away, the moon, and the lake all at your feet it was easy to forget that you weren't a demon hunter that sucked at his job or that the albino guy wearing sunglasses at night, wasn't actually a demon, a guy you should of never of became friends with.

Meh, your Dads not here and nor are your cousins, and what they don't know wont hurt them.


	3. Fox Inside the Hen House

So to your surprise—no wait utter astonishment—living with a demon isn't that bad. Especially when the demon guy doesn't act like one. Insofar the worst things happening living with Dave are 1) how much of a pig he is—I mean really you can't count the amount of times you've found his boxers lying somewhere where they obviously are not supposed to be. You even found a pair in the freezer for god sakes, really why would they be there in the first place? It doesn't make any sense. And 2) its kind of sad how you've begun to pick up on the stink of sex, sweat, and perfume (sometimes cologne too) after Dave comes back from 'lunch' as he calls it, even when he ends up coming home at two in the morning afterwards.

But really those are easy prices to pay now that you have a new best bro to hang out with 24/7. Dave doesn't work and your job only takes out a few hours of your day, which leaves the rest of the big fat chunk of daylight left to obviously shut yourselves inside and play video games, and watch movies, and consume vast amounts of food that neither of you would of dared partake in alone.

God one night you forget if it was you or Dave who prompted it, but one of you said something along the lines of "Hey do you think we could eat 13 pizzas all by ourselves?" The answer was obviously "I don't know but lets fucking find out." Your not going to get into that night but lets just say pizza hasn't been seen in the casa de la Egbert-Strider's since.

Now that you think about it its been about two and half weeks since Daves moved into your place. The actual moving in didn't really take too long actually. It seemed your new bro-friend didn't have too many material possessions on him during the best of times. All he said he kept with him was his clothes, his computer, and his turntables.

Sure as hell surprised you seeing him at your door the day after the lake with a big black trash bag of clothes and two boxes of crap behind him. Thank goodness you had asked the city when you moved here for a big three bedroom apartment. It wasn't like you expected something like this to happen but you knew the possibility of you wanting a roommate or Jake or Jade dropping by for a stint was pretty damn likely. See kids? Planning ahead is a good thing.

Heh, speaking of your super adventurous cousins you got a letter in the mail today from Jade, crazy girl. Who sends paper mail anymore, really? But in all seriousness you loved these little things about her and quirky habits she seemed to insist on. One being her and her brothers love for firearms and computers; each of them saying you should have at least five of each on hand at any moment. Yeah that tick was a bit of an extreme one, but luckily after yours and Janeys urging they've lowered that count to at least three for most times. Better than nothing.

OK so time to read Jades letter and see what was up on her end.

_Hey John! I hope you get my letter fine. ^-^ So how is it in your new city? Doesn't matter I'll find out soon enough hehe. So I've been traveling the country seeing as much as I could and stuff and realized that I'm not too far from you! :3 :3 Can you believe it? So after I get done with this job over here I'm planning on coming by. Especially in time for your BIRTHDAY~! 0 Hehe I bet you forgot it again butter-brains. Too busy in your new place to realize it I bet. But not to fear, this job should be cleared up in the next two days and it'll take me another two to get over there. So I hope you get this on __time so you know I'm coming. But on the other hand surprising you by showing up randomly would probably be so much more fun. Alrighty so see you soon John! :B_

_ Love your cousin,_

_ Jade Harley_

Harley? Why is her last name Harley? Its been Egbert since Dad adopted Jake and Jade officially.

Wait-wait-wait what the hell did she just say? Shes coming? Here? To my house that currently has a demon lounging inside of? Fuck. Hold on, check when she sent it, maybe she'll be over like tomorrow and you can throw Dave into a hotel for a week while shes here. Its April the 5th now, and she sent it on the 1st. Double fuck! Its already been four days, so knowing her she can be here at any damn moment. Oh my god what do you do?

I don't know, stop asking me!

Wait, only you knew Dave was a demon. Oh thank you sweet fat baby Jegus-I mean Jesus. Alright everything's cool now as long as Dave doesn't do anything demon-y, nothing bad should happen. Cool, no big deal, time to calm down. Whew.

Oh yeah, now would be a good time to tell your roommate that your demon hunting cousin is coming to stay over here and that he should maybe, you know, watch out because she carries at least a few guns on her in the best of times. That should go over great.

Its easy enough to find him, either hes in his room or hes on the couch, usually eating too no matter where he is. This time hes on the couch, naked, or nearly so. You've quickly learned of Daves habit—or it seems rather _need_—to not wear pants when at home. Frankly you're amazed at how fast it stopped bothering you, its not like he has anything you don't, so no big deal.

Actually he does have something you don't, a rad body that makes you cry in shame when comparing it to your own. OK no, you don't cry, but really it wasn't fair for him to have such a toned body and well defined abs, all of that no-homo obviously. You can be straight and observe that another guys body is better than yours, and then obviously become enraged in a shameful jealousy over it. Dang it John stop feeling your no-homo pangs of envy over your roommates nice body and tell him what you were supposed to tell him.

Oh yeah.

"Dave put some pants on, we might have company soon. Like real soon."

"Do I have too...?"

"Yes so stop whining, its my cousin, the demon killing one if you've forgotten, so yes go get your pants on."

"Shouldn't I like leave or somethin?"

"Nah it should be fine, you look completely human so there should be no reason for her to figure it out. Also don't bang my cousin ok?"

"No promises if they're hot, sometimes a Strider cant help themselves around sexy people. So don't worry your purity is safe from me Ebgert."

"Dave!"

"Just getting your goat, I wouldn't do something that stupid, give me some credit at least. So when's she gonna get here?"

"That's the problem, I don't know. In the next five minutes or the next five hours, you never know with that girl."

"So I should really get thos—"

Knock-knock-knock

Knock-knock

"Yeah Dave, I think you should go get those pants on. I'll get the door."

Alright, OK John calm down, don't worry. Jade wont find out about Dave and everything will go fine. The next week should go by in a flash with no problems whatsoever and with no one dying or getting hurt. Maybe they'll actually like each other. Now go open the door already before she gets antsy and kicks it down herself. Like that one time.

"JO—HN~!"

Christ, as soon as the door clicked open you found yourself with a big giant armful of your ecstaticly happy cousin. Before she managed to tackle-hug you you managed to get in a bright green scarf and her big mass of black hair. Finally you managed to untangle her from you long enough to get a good look at your sister-cousin, who was at this rate gonna give you a tan with how bright her smile was.

Jade was the same age as you and only about two inches shorter; making her fairly tall for a girl. Her eyes matched yours, in vibrancy if not color, a bright green in contrast to your own blue, both obscured behind a pair of glasses too. She was dressed in a long muted gray-green pea coat, with a light almost neon-green scarf fluffy wrapped around her neck. Beyond that you managed to see a black shirt, denim pants, and a pair of worn dark colored combat boots. Oh, that was new. On her head Jade was wearing a black knit ear-covering hat with a pair of fluffy white fur ears sewn on top, the style was a bit childish but on her seemed perfectly natural, it was really cute.

"Oh John its good to see you! How've you been? Are you eating alright? Not take-out every night for dinner I hope. I know it hasn't been long but I've missed you soo much!"

That last part was finished with another back breaking hug that knocked the breath straight out of you. Gosh you forgot how strong she was sometimes.

"Jade I'm fine, I'm fine. You can stop fussing like your my grandma or something, jeez. But yeah I've really missed you too. And no I'm not having take-out for dinner all the time, just most of it. Hehe, ow! God, She-Hulk stop punching me, you'll break my arm one of these days I'm serious. Heh. Oh yeah, I got a new roommate too, hes really cool. Come on let me grab your stuff so you can meet him."

"Alright!"

Brushing past you she practically skipped her way into your apartment, she was so happy. Thankfully with Jade and her traveling around so much her luggage was relatively light, especially considering most of it was filled with weapons instead of clothes. Walking in the door and depositing your burden you were glad to see Jade in the living room already meeting Dave. Well if you call Jade standing there with you being just in time to see your roommate basically stumble in while buttoning up his pants while wearing a Hello Kitty t-shirt—his choice of irony at its finest; he must be really trying to look good for your relative it seems.

Weird thing was as soon as Dave walked in you noticed Jades back stiffen visibly. Huh, maybe she wasn't expecting him to be good looking or something. But Dave noticed it too, body language tensing up to match her own as soon as he noticed.

"John."

"Yes Jade?"

"Why is there a demon in your apartment?"

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"Why, is there, a demon here John?"

"Uh, if you mean D-Dave its because hes obviously my roommate, and not a demon. Obviously. What makes you t-think that?"

"Because I can smell it on him. I thought I smelled it outside for a sec and was definitely sure when I walked in. I wont ask again John, why is that thing here?"

"What do you mean you could smell him? Stop talking crazy Jade!"

"Fuck-damnit John give me one good reason to not kill him right this second!"

"Because he's my friend!"

"If Dad knew—!"

"Dads not here Jade! So I don't care what Dad would think! Dave's my friend! Period! And I don't care what he his, Dave doesn't hurt anyone so it doesn't make a damn difference either way and you're not going to fucking hurt him!"

Somewhere in the middle of all the yelling you found yourself between both of them, effectively blocking Dave from Jade and the half cocked gun held in her hands. Silence was thick in the air in what was fundamentally a stare down between you and your relative. Blue eyes matching green in a parody of what you both exchanged but a few moments ago. After a handful of seconds Dave spoke up, his deeper voice sounding too too loud in the pressing quiet surrounding you all.

"Look. I-I think we all just need to relax and speak like civil adults here OK? With no more yellin and 'specially no more guns."

"Yeah. Jade please put the gun away, you know if he wanted to kill me he would of done it long ago, and its not like he can turn me into his slave or anything you know that too. So just calm down. Please Jade. For me."

"...Fine."

The tension was released a bit more with Jade holstering her gun back behind her back where it supposedly originated. Within moments the stiff shoulders you were sporting finally relaxed, you noticed without much surprised Daves did too, but not by much.

"What, is _it_, John?"

But before you could answer Dave cut in, edging himself closer to Jade. Now the three of you were standing in more of a circle rather than the straight line from beforehand.

"Excuse me girly, _I _am a _he_not an _it._ But if you were happenin' to wonder what exact species I may be, than that would be an incubus. Dave Strider, at your services, _ma'am_. And if you would please refrain from speakin bout me like'm not present an accounted for that would be most pleasurable."

Daves accent throughout his statement was stronger than ever, meaning that he was angry, angrier than any of the times you've heard his southern accent crop up. Which wasn't but once so far. He even gave her a sweeping bow at the end, yeah he was pissed.

"Jade, what did you mean earlier when you said you _smelled_ Dave when you walked in? How could you possibly have known what he was like that? You could never do that before. So how?"

"If I may interrupt again, I think I may have a guess at how the little miss could pick me out so easily. Johnny-boy me thinks your dear dear cousin may not be just the same as when you last saw her. What was it Jade? A trap, a slip up on your part, got bit recently maybe, because I really don't think you would of done that to yourself. Cuz I know Egbert over here got a few kinks but I didn't peg you as the furry type a girl."

Huh? None of that made any sense to you, like at all. You mean your cousin looked exactly the same as she did two months ago, so really, what the hell? You looked over to Jade asking this question with your eyes, watching as she shifted a bit, tugging at her scarf uncomfortably before finally reaching up and pulling off the hat she was wearing. But the weird thing was the fake ears on the hat didn't come off, they were still on her head. And, they were moving.

Wait what? How could that be possible? Your cousin. Jade. Had dog ears now. Nope. Nope. Not liking this at all, your body wasn't ready.

"Um, Jade. What happened exactly?"

"Nothin big John so don't worry too much about it. Got these little girlies on that job I just finished before heading over here. The witch I was chasing had trapped me and was in the middle of trying to transform me into a dog but I managed to get out and finish her before she had completed the spell. But I wasn't fast enough obviously."

For a second there you though everything had just gone back to normal, as if she didn't just pull out a gun and threaten to kill your new friend. You thought until she locked eyes with you again, she definitely had not forgotten. She swung her head back and forth between you and Dave her lips pursed in that universal womens sign for being fucking pissed.

"So...How long has _this_ been going on between you and _David_."

"Jade don't say it like that, me and Dave are friends alright, just friends. And hes been my roommate for about 2 weeks now."

"Two and 4 days."

"Yeah what he said."

You saw something click a bit in Jades head with that comment. Dave wasn't something brand new in your life, he wasn't a worm that had burred itself into your safe zone without you knowing, and that he obviously hasn't hurt you in any way, shape, or form. You could see her finally giving in from the loud sigh that escaped from her as she rubbed her face roughly, almost knocking her glasses off in the process.

"Whatever. I have some contacts to see and check up on in town. I'll be back, I don't know sometime tomorrow. Yes John I'm still staying here with you, I just need a few hours to settle myself. And you, _Dave_ was it? If you touch one fucking hair on my cousins head I swear I will gut you myself and then show your insides to you, got that fuckass?"

Actually you were fairly surprised at how calm the pair of them were being about this so far—but calm was a relative term you need to remember. So as long as they weren't actually at each others throats and no one was bleeding, everything was going pretty good in your book. You even saw Dave smirk a little as he tilted his head down to—what you guessed was—look your cousin in the eye before he spoke.

"Loud and clear biscuit breath. And know this, I am a southern gentleman to my core—so as long as you don't draw that pig-sticker at me again or throw baseless accusations at me solely based on what you hardly know—you and me will be peachy-keen and right as rain, got it darlin'? But the minute you stop being civil, so will I, even if I'm only a guest in this house, Egberts hospitality will only stop me so much."

"Yea I got it. John leave a key under the mat for me. Like I said be back tomorrow."

With that she left the apartment, the clicking of the front door finally making this all seem real again and not just a crazy fever dream.

"Dave? You didn't mean all of that did you? Like for real, what you'd do to her?"

"No. Not really Egbert. I wouldn't hurt your flesh and blood for only tryin to protect you, I know how family is. The only thing I woulda done if things had gone sour would be to disarm n'disable her till she finally calmed down, hell I'd probably of just knocked her out and left you to deal with her. But you see, she was tryin to dominate me back there, set herself up as the alpha in this house with that little show she did. You may not know it but humans and animals are more alike than you think, and her being altered and such only made those traits that much stronger in her. So that's why I had to be all big dog right back at her. If I had rolled over showed Jade back there my neck, so to speak, she woulda tried to kill me within the week I know it. At least now we're even, sorta."

"Wow. Well good job there Dave. And look I'm really sorry for how this ended up, you know being threatened by my family and now being forced to live with her for the next week or so. You could always leave if you wanted to, you know? I mean, only until she left, I don't mean like for you to move out or anything."

"Nah, I'm a big boy, I can handle confrontations like this now and then. Haven't had a good strife in a long while. But like I said, I wont touch a head on little Jade's head so don't fret. John, you know what I need right now? Like what I could really go for?"

"No idea, what?"

"A good fucking drink that's what I think we both desperately need right about now."

"How can we go drinking? We're both underage Dave, so unless you meant root-beer floats I don't know how we're gonna get those said drinks."

"I do. Go get your fancy panties on Egbert—and I mean the frilly ones too—because were going out and forgetting my traumatic experience of dealing with your crazy-ass family. And that's final."

* * *

Truth was apparently Dave did know a place, well more like a person, where you both could get drinks. 5 blocks away and 25 minutes later found you both in front of a hole in the wall bar. Literally it was a hole in the wall, there was the wall and only a blank red door said anything of interest was here, at all. Only after going up a creepy flight of decrepit stairs did you find yourself at what actually looked like a bar. A pretty nice one too.

Hard wood floors and modern lighting and décor made the bar feel like an odd mash between the past and present, you liked it, a lot. The dim room didn't have too many inhabitants this early in the night, only the staff, a few lone drinkers, and the lounge player set into a corner were the only people. But before you could even begin to look more detailed at your surroundings you spotted the beautiful antique piano at the back of the room. She was exquisite and your fingers itched and twitched to play it, but you knew better and squashed that urge as soon as it showed.

Dave had left you gawking and found his way to the bar with familiar ease, already shamelessly flirting with the pretty bartender.

"Why Dave, isn't this a bit early to be bringing a conquest here, usually you like it to be later than this. Oh, but he is cute. Can _I_ have this blue eyed beauty before you go and ruin him for the rest of us girls?"

Wat...oh no, face on fire, cant think. Abort. Abort.

"Hush, Princess stop scaring him. And its not like that, this is my best bud John, and getting down to business we need some of you specialties if you please, beautiful?"

"Hehe, no problem Davey, usual for you I'd guess. And what would you have Johnny baby?"

"Uh, I'm not really too sure, Dave?"

"Get him something fruity and girly Princess, extra on the girly."

"Coming right up."

After a few minutes your bartender, Princess you would guess her name, came by with your drinks. A jack and coke for Dave apparently and a hot pink looking drink for you. Dave said it was call a hurricane. Whelp, whatever, drinking time it is.

Time flew by with you and Dave at the bar, the night getting progressively later with more and more customers trickling into the bar with every hour.

Now your not calling yourself a light weight, far from it actually. Your father drank after dinner with his pipe and insisted on introducing all you kids to alcohol fairly early—like 17 early so calm down—he said it was so we didn't create romantic fantasies or big expectations about alcohol and would then go overboard when finally being able to drink. But you were glad to say that you had inherited your dads great tolerance to it. Unlike Jane, who could only manage a glass of wine or two. Oh but your two cousins, they could drink an alcoholic under the table apparently, and you found out pretty quickly not to accept Jakes propositions for a manly drinking contest. Bad times. Well, the ones that you actually remember.

What you were trying to say was you could hold your drink pretty damn well, but that was against humans, and it seemed demons couldn't really get drunk, and you found out the hard way. Because as the night advanced more drinks kept coming, and Princess being so damn good at her job you could barely taste the alcohol in them, especially after your fifth drink, and that was including the four double shots you and Dave took. So slowly but surely—OK not that slowly—you were shit faced. Stone cold sloshed out of your mind.

You don't remember making it out onto the street but you do remember the the long exodus-like walk it was back to the apartment. Half way through the walk you threw a fit and begged Dave to carry you on his back like a child. At first he refused but after stating you had to carry his fat ass when he was knocked out and then getting a low blow with a pouty puppy-dog stare you finally got your piggyback ride.

Daves back was so comfortable though, after a few minutes of walking you ended up finding yourself snuggled onto his warm wide back like a cat that had just found some fresh laundry. The last thing you kind of remember is mumbling that he smelled nice or something along those lines, but for all you knew you could of called him a big blue bunny named Nick Cage, they both seem about right to your recollection.

The next thing you were aware of was being plopped down onto your nice beautiful bed, oh how I've missed you beautiful, I love you more than people. Those were the totally coherent thoughts you had as you nestled deeper into your pillows. But you were distracted by your bed love-making by someone messing with your feet. So you did the only logical thing, whine and flail like a child as you squirmed away.

"Dammit John, I have to get your shoes off or you'll fuck up your bed. Now let me get your feet god dammit."

"Noooo, I don wanna, I jus wanna marry my bed. Stop tryin to get between us 'ave."

"Just stop struglin already and it would a already been done. There got em. Now your glasses 'fore you break em."

You weren't that fucked up, oh wait yeah you were, so when you saw Dave lean down to pluck the glasses from your face you did the smartest thing you could think of. Which was reach up and pull him into the bed with you, earning a loud 'Fuck!" from your prisoner and a crazy amount of giggle snorts from you.

The pair of you wrestled on the bed for the first few seconds as was mandatory per war engagement protocols for these circumstances. But it quickly died down; tired, drunk (well you were at least), and panting the battle ended with both of you flopping back on to the bed.

Dave's glasses were all skewed on his flushed face and his hair was a mess and so were his clothes; heck he had never changed out of the super ironic hello kitty shirt he had put on earlier and right now it was half up his chest from the roughhousing between you two. And there they were, your nemesis, Daves killer abdominal muscles, how they mocked you.

_John look at us John, you can never have us because you cant grow muscles to save your life. You can never have us..._

Oh yes I can mocking voice in my head, I can have you, and I will. And with that thought you began to completely soberly, or not so much, touch the hell out of Daves stomach. You could of swore you heard a squawk from the boy above you but you were too drunk to care and think properly, all that mattered was you and the abs. After another few seconds of stroking a great thought arrowed through your obviously clear mind.

_You know what, you should totally put your head on this belly right here and go to sleep or something. _

_What? Ok super smart voice in my head._

And that, was exactly what you did. Smiling stupidly you shimmied your way lower on the bed and proceeded to lay your head on whoevers abs these were. His skin was hot and soft at the same time against your own face, you felt the coiled muscles tense under you cheek as soon as you laid down. But after a second the body under you relaxed back down to normal. Hehe, you could hear gurgling and bubbling from it. Even a growl escaped from its innards sounding as if it was mad at you for laying on them.

_Oh shush belly, stop that, don't yell at me. I love you, look, I'll give you a kiss, ok?_

With a loud smack you kissed the body under you, continuing with a few more gentle pecks until finally cuddling back down into the warm comforting form beneath you and promptly falling asleep.

"John? Did you really just kiss my stomach and then fall asleep on me?"

"Did you really just do that? For realz?"

"Like my bellybutton just got more action than me, super fucking great."

"Just for this, I'm hiding all the movies you love, stealing the remote, and leaving the TV on Lifetime for a week. Fuckin cock-tease."

"You really need to stop being adorkable when you sleep in front of me John, or one day I wont be able to hold myself back like I promised you."

"Seriously what have I gotten myself into shucking myself with you."

"...Fuck."

"..Me."


	4. Of Hangovers, Honeymoons, and Hammers

You wake up the next morning feeling awesome. Oh wait its opposite day, you meant fucking horrible. Well you might have been exaggerating just a tad but hangovers were nothing to laugh about, especially with the sheer physical amount of alcohol you had consumed last night. Really, you're surprised your not still drunk. It can happen. And when it does, it sucks.

Taking a few nice long minutes you stretch and snuggle deeper into your super comfortable and empty bed. That has always been empty, because that normal, for you. Finally getting enough energy from tumbling around you manage to get yourself out of the trap you call a bed and stand—relatively—straight. Not even bothering changing out of last nights clothes you shuffle your way to the living room without much sense of purpose.

And there sat Dave, as per his usual habit, lounging in a pair of boxers and an unzipped hoodie, eating what looked and smelled like scrambled eggs.

Mmmm...food.

"Daaavvvve...be a good bride and make me breakfast, super pretty please? I'm too hungover to cook. And you said that whenever I make anything to eat its more like nuclear waste than food. So pleeease?"

With the last please you flopped heavily on the couch beside him. The thought crossed your mind to sit up like a normal person and watch TV but the lights and sounds were a bit too much to bear this soon after waking up, so instead you opted for leaning back against the couch and covering your sensitive weary eyes with your arm. Much better. So much better.

You didn't even realized a full minute or so had passed without a response from the guy next to you until you felt a poke at your side. Peaking out from under your arm you checked to see why he had poked you instead of just replying. And there it was. A plate of food—his food—apparently being offered to you. Its a miracle. Call Jesus.

"Really? You're giving me your food, why? Are you dying, Dave? Is it cancer. I knew it was cancer. Why, why didn't you get that mammogram like I asked you? What about the children Dave, how will they live without a mother—"

"Shut up and take the food Egbert or I'll throw it away just to spite you."

"No need to tell me twice. Thank you sweet-tea."

With that you happily received the plate of scrambled eggs with delicious bacon chunks cooked in it and the half eaten piece of toast. In a flash the food was cleared from the plate, now sitting contently in your gullet instead. Not bothering to get up to take the dishes to the kitchen just yet, you choose to just put it on the floor. It'll get picked up eventually. Or whatever.

"What happened last night. I can only remember bits from the bar and the walk home, but that's it. Did I really play the piano for the crowd at that joint?"

"Yep you were a regular old Elton John, John, I think you even kissed a few dudes too."

"What! Did I really?"

"Maybe you did and maybe you didn't, I don't see other people kiss and then tell, what kind of girl do you take me for?"

"Really Dave, did I do that? I cant remember, so tell me for real."

"Nah I think you're good."

"Why wont you tell mee?"

"Punishment."

"For what?"

"...Stuff. Aaand with that I've got to be goin' now."

"Why? Its not like you have a job."

"Well lets just say its partly to avoid your crazy dog-eared cousin as much as I can, and the rest is because there's some things I have to go do."

"Then bring me back some spoils of war OK?"

"John, my spoils are still too rich for you, you wouldn't know what to do with yourself you awkward turtle."

"You're an awkward turtle."

"Your mom."

"My moms dead."

"So's mine."

"...Touche. You've won this round Strider."

During the whole conversation between you two Dave had been lazily getting ready by picking up a pair of discarded pants and a shirt that happened to be nearby. Since he obviously wasn't dressing nicely in the least bit you could hazard a guess that he wasn't going out for 'lunch'. Within a few moments he was down to his shoe laces being the only things left undone. Watching Dave get dressed wasn't the most entertaining thing to watch, so giving your full attention to the TV wasn't all too hard.

"Dave what show is this?"

"Reba."

"And why were you watching Reba?"

"Because shes a great country singer and a hilarious actress John."

"Whatever, so wheres the remote, I hate this channel."

"Don't worry its somewhere in the couch, keep looking."

"I don't see it."

The only answer was what may have been Dave laughing and shutting of the apartment door. You still couldn't find the remote. The Lifetime channel sucked.

* * *

Great news! Its two days until your birthday and no ones died yet! Wait, lets clarify. Its been a week since Jade came over to stay and neither her nor Dave are dead and/or injured in anyway shape or form. Not for lack of trying of course.

During the first few days you got it in your head that pranking Jade was something you and Dave should totally do, you know, to make her feel more welcome. Which wasn't a great idea. Its not like she got mad or anything, no. It seemed those fluffy accessories on her head weren't just for show. Every time you or Dave planted a prank, either of you would always end up finding said prank turned on yourselves. So you stopped those shenanigans quickly enough. Though it seemed Jade and Dave never got the memo.

About halfway in the week they formed an alliance of some sort, carefully balanced on the shared enjoyment they receive from fucking with you. The next three tortureous days were filled with every prank you could imagine, all aimed at you, culminating when they messed with your body wash. Long story short, you found yourself running into the living room, still wet, in nothing but a towel while your skin was tinted bright a pink color. All the while the culprits sat on the couch, poker faces not giving a hint of what they'd done.

"What. The fuck. Is this. Shit."

They looked at each other questioningly both shrugging in response. Jade was the first to answer.

"We don't know John, what you choose to do in the shower is your business not ours."

"Yeah broski its not our concern if you want to be the kawaii king. By the way, pink is totes your color."

At that moment you were way to angry to answer their snide remarks and instead choose to stomp your way back to the bath to begin your ordeal of getting this damn color off. Those pricks. You even think you managed to see the pair of them share a causal fist bump as you stormed out the living room. No they're not pricks, they're a big bag of dicks each.

It took you a good 4 showers to get most of the color out, and you were still pink tinged and dark stained in some places the next day. After that—and a fuck tonne of yelling from you—everyone came to the agreement of no more pranks. Thank god.

But back to the present you're actually having the party tonight! Yeah yeah you know its only the 12th but Jade got a call for a job so she couldn't stay till the actual date. Sucks you know, but that's life. You don't even know what they have planned but you're super stoked you can't wait.

You got a text from Dave saying and I quote:

_"Were gonna get this radtastical funfest on the road and John so help me youre going to overdose on fun. Like me and Jade are gonna have to take you to the hospital because youre OD-ing so hard, which was the plan all along because the whole hospital is the party, just for you. And were going to have strippers dressed as Barney and cheap alcohol, and bitches, and a hawk. A motherfucking hawk. Ps. Were leaving at 8 though so get you plump ass ready, fatty."_

Dave is stupid.

Really that's it. That's the joke, go home.

So now you have the whole day to kill and Dave's not here—again, gosh hes been really MIA this week—so you can't bother him. And that means your best bet for any entertainment at the moment is to go harass your awesome relative.

After checking the living room and kitchen you end up finding her in her room on the other side of the apartment packing up her stuff. Without announcing yourself you walk over to her bed and sit down beside her resting your head on her shoulders.

"Jaadde I don't want you to go. It was great having you here and I miss Dad and everyone so much. Why do you have to leave so early again?"

"I told you already, there's apparently a banshee in Saint Louis thats been killing people instead of just foretelling their deaths. Look, I know its unfair but think of the people that might die if I leave two days late just to make it for the actual day of your birth. I've been there every year before now, so I think you can manage having your party two days earlier."

"I know. I know you have to leave, but knowing doesn't make me any happier to see you go. And I don't care about the party I just don't want you to go so soon."

"Me too. But someone has to go get those boogy-monsters out there. It just happens to fall on us. You knew I wasn't staying here forever, as much as I wish I could. I had to leave sometime John."

Sitting closer together on the bed Jade wrapped a comforting arm around your waist, your head still on her shoulder. She leaned her head atop your own as she squeezed your middle even tighter. She smelled familiar, she smelled like home. You had forgotten how much you missed everyone and now all those feelings were rushing back, it was hard growing up. As much as you wish you acted more adult sometimes you just wanted to go back and be 13 and never leave your family.

"Heh. Jade remember Dad telling us stories before we went to sleep, how we shouldn't be afraid of the monster under our bed because _its _afraid of him. Hes what monsters were scared of and he'd always watch out for us so we never have to worry or be frightened."

"Yeah, and now we have to be like Dad and protect everyone else from those big bad monsters."

"But who will protect us Jade?"

"For now, we have to take care ourselves and each other when we can. Until one day we find someone who wants to protect us as much as we want to protect them. Like how our parents were, like Grandma and Grandpa. Strong alone but stronger when they have someone they care for next to them, who always has their back like they have theirs."

"Jade, I never pictured you as a romantic type."

"Shut up. Everyone's a romantic John, deep down. Even you and that stupid Dave-butt."

"Pssh yeah right."

"Whatever John its not my fault you have the emotional depth of a gnat. Look how about we go watch netflix until its time for us to go out OK?"

"Only if we can watch National Treasure."

"Again? Fine. And only because its your birthday day—sort of. Be happy I love you or I'd be making us watch Titanic, just so I could watch you turn into a bawling mess like last time."

"You said after that you would never make me watch it again."

"I had my fingers crossed. Hmm what time is it now? I think after your movie we might have time for mine...maybe something with boats..."

"Jade! This is my house and we are not watching Titanic!"

"Fine, I'll just tell Dave how we didn't get to see it this time so you and him will just have to watch it together."

"...If you breath a word about this I swear I will find a dog whistle and torture you till your ears bleed and you go crying back to Dad."

"I'll just have to tell him about PS I love You, too."

"Ugh Jade lets just go watch the damn movies already! Sheesh."

And so you and Jade passed a few long hours with a couple of movies, a few of which did make you shed a manly tear or two—not like you'd ever tell anyone. Mostly Dave, because you knew the minute he found out he would never let you live it down. This was a secret you would bring to your grave. Jades too if she knew what was good for her.

* * *

God Dave is finally back. What did he do? Get knocked up and have a baby while he was out? First of all, he better not, and if he did that child better be yours or someones getting a divorce.

Ha no, but the fact that Dave was gone the entirety of the day nagged at you, and it wasn't the first time this happened in the recent week since Jade got here. It bothered you—him being gone for lengthy periods at a time like this, especially when you had no absolute clue where he went. Whenever you asked he would always answer with a vague 'somewhere' or just 'out'. And you were positive he wasn't avoiding Jade, you mean it wasn't like they were best friends or anything but it had at least come to the point where you could leave them in the house alone together.

So that left one uncomfortable option: he was avoiding you. Truly that was the only thing you could think of and, it really hurt. The last thing you wanted was for Dave to distance himself and leave you. It hadn't been long since you met him, you know, but in this short time together he had become someone really important to you—and apparently the thought that he felt the same was wrong.

No! You wouldn't let that happen! You wont left Dave disappear from your life like he had never been, you wont allow it.

Alright great idea. The question was how? Yeah you're saying all this stuff about how you wouldn't let him leave, but, if he was unhappy here for some reason, what was your right to stop him?

None that's what.

Fine, you'll bring it up to him tonight after the party's over and Jades left. You'll ask him if he wants to move out and see what he says.

Just...just enjoy the party your awesome friends have planned for you and stop moping over this hypothetical drama that may or may not come to pass. No need to worry about something that you cant fix, really, it just wastes too much energy and plain not worth it. So stop.

Speak of the devil. Literally. Daves voice shouted across the apartment, shaking you from your darkening monologue with yourself.

"John! Whats taking you so long to get that suit on? I know you're a child but is it really that difficult, I mean do I have to come in there and put it on you myself? Because I will, don't doubt me boy."

"Keep your freakin panties on Dave I'll be ready in a second!"

"Fine. It'll be your fault if were late for your awesome birthday surprise and have to go to Chuck 'e' Cheezes instead. I don't know about you, but I for one am not a fan of a giant fucking rat singing next to me. So get the lead out already!"

"I'm done! I'm done! All I have left to do is tie my tie. God what crawled up your ass?"

"A schedule tighter than a twinks booty shorts, that's what. I will not allow this night to fuckin fall apart because we couldn't leave the damn house on time. Here let me tie that for you you doof."

Dave crossed the living room to meet you half way in the same three long easy strides you've begun to associate with him—and immediately snatched the sky blue tie you had been battling out of your hands. With practiced movements he tied the tie around your neck tightening it with one last tug and then proceeded to nit-pick at your outfit, straightening your jacket and smoothing out any stray wrinkles that dared cross his path.

If you did say so yourself you thought you looked pretty snazzy in your charcoal suit, white shirt, and nicely accenting blue tie. But all of that was nothing compared to Dave's sleek look.

If you were a crow, he was a raven.

Dark black suit and matching undershirt alone were enough to compliment his slim build and pale skin and hair. But what made him so striking was the simple red silk tie and his signature shades that somehow gave his whole outfit a different feel; changing formal into something singularly Dave. You wonder how many times hes had to tie someone elses tie and fix their wrinkles, how many times hes had to dress like this and for what reason. You wanted to change how much you knew about him, but thats for next time.

With a final jerk he fixed your crooked collar and gave you a finial once over, apparently happy with what he saw Dave nodded and gave you a small smirk. And then proceeded to ruin your put together look by tousling your barely tamed head.

"Dave stop you're ruining my hair!"

"What are you talking about, you hair is always messed up. Nothing I can do can make it worse. Actually there is something I can do. John I think some birthday noogies might be in order right about now."

And before you could protest you found yourself unwillingly in a choke hold with your brains being noogied out by Daves fist.

"Ack! Dave stop! Stooopp!"

Thankfully his assaults lessened as you heard a pair of heels walk in the room. Jade obviously, but you couldn't see her in your currently compromised position.

"Stop being gay you guys we have to leave. Did I not just hear you nagging at John that we'd be late like two seconds ago and now your roughhousing with him? You're the dork Dave. Its you. So come on!"

"No need to say it twice. Lets be on our way then if you insist beautiful."

With that Dave finally released your head so you could fix yourself back up. Once you were free you immediately got an eyeful of Jade. Who was, as Dave said, beautiful. You always thought Jade was pretty—shes your family of course you'd always think she looked good—but you think this is the nicest shes looked since like high school prom or something, maybe ever. Really though you have no idea where she got that dress, like that is not a dress a demon hunter just carries around in their duffel next to the ammo and knives, fact is, you're pretty damn surprised.

Jade was decked out in a long form fitting black dress overlaid in a sheer neon green fabric that perfectly accented her eyes and complimented the pair of high heels she was wearing. Her usually unmanageable hair had somehow been calmed so that it laid down her back in heavy black waves. Apparently Jade had decided to forgo the knit hat she had been forced to wear to disguise her new furry ears for a black fedora much like your fathers; but unlike your fathers usual hats this one was decorated at the base of its crown with a ribbon that matched her apparent running green theme.

"Wow, Jade. Just wow. You look awesome."

"Hee thanks. But no time for flattery! Lets go go go! Out the door now or we'll never make it!"

"What is 'it' anyway?"

Dave stepped by and answered you with flick to the forehead and a condescending smirk as the trio of you walked out the apartment door.

"Its called a surprise for a reason numb-nuts so sit tight and wait till we get there, alright? Look I promise you'll love it. Trust me OK?"

* * *

Oh-mai-god-this-is-the-best-present-in-the-history-of-presents! Breathe, calm yourself. Alright, hands down this is the best birthday present you think you have ever received. Like you love this so much you might just have to marry Dave for real. Fyi Jade's the flower girl and the wedding is set for the fall, mark the dates for the Egbert/Strider marriage. Like he deserves a honeymoon in Hawaii you're so grateful right now.

So after 25 minutes of a frantic taxi ride which mostly consisted of either Dave or Jade politely harassing the taxi driver to 'Go faster god dammit! We will not be late because you wouldn't drive 5 fucking miles faster than the speed limit!' 'No you better go through this yellow light, don't you slow down.' 'If you let that guy cut in front of us I swear this green colored momma will cut you, shes crazy, she'll do it believe me. I wont be able to stop her.' and more you're not even going to mention. You made Dave give him a hundred plus whatever the fair was, poor guy.

All of that fuss led up to where you currently were sitting. Which was the center seats of the front row in the cities biggest theater, watching the greatest magic show you've ever seen.

There were so many awesome tricks you cant even begin to mention them all. Like one of the beautiful assistants was impaled to death on a bed of descending spikes only to appear seconds later whole and sill lovely. The handsome magician escaped many deft defying feats and you were even called up for one of the acts to put the hand cuffs on him and prove that they were real—only for them to be escaped minutes later in the next scene. There were card tricks and bird tricks, he even made two of his assistants disappear and be replaced by a pair of leopards. You were so happy you think you just might be overdosing on fun like Dave had predicted.

And the best part was the whole birthday thing wasn't over once the curtain fell, oh and after Dave took you back stage to get the magicians autograph of course. So after leaving the theater Jade and Dave took you to a super fancy restaurant. Like to you, the Cheesecake Factory was spiffy enough. This place though didn't have prices on their menus, and apparently Dave had to make reservation in advance for your party tonight.

It was all a bit more than overwhelming and after your third comment about how this place was waay too nice for your silly old birthday and that they should just leave—Jade silenced you in her normal sisterly way. By kicking you under the table and telling you in a hushed tone to accept the god damn gift her and Dave had been planning for the whole week and to stop bitching. So yeah you shut up real quick lest you made your sister really mad.

Dave ordered the steak medium-rare, Jade the lobster, and you ended up choosing the seafood pasta in a vodka sauce—whatever that was. Thank god your guess was a good because it tasted like straight heaven; like you wished the food was a person so you could make out with it and marry it. Screw Dave you found a new lover.

The atmosphere throughout the whole dinner was amazing. You think you had as much fun just sitting there talking and laughing with two of your most favorite people that it was just as good a present as the magic show was, maybe better. You couldn't of been happier with the company you were with.

The staff apparently were aware it was your birthday too because after dinner was finished and the plates were taken away the servers brought out an amazing looking cheesecake that must of cost a fortune. Drizzled in chocolate and decorated with strawberries the desert was almost tempting enough for you to want to grab yourself a slice right then and there, but you guys were already so stuffed you had to basically take the whole thing home.

By the time you left the restaurant, cake in hand, and made it back to the apartment it was almost midnight. Jade was the first in the door and no more then five minutes later did she reappear fully changed and ready for her departure. She wasn't joking about leaving as soon as possible.

After lots of hugging and promises to call more between you Jade, and the much more amicable goodbye shared between her and Dave, she left. Just like that. It was weird having her gone so suddenly and house somehow felt so much more empty now. God you missed her already. But before you could even begin to sink yourself in that gloomy feeling Dave distracted you.

"John. John stop it. Stop the sad faces. Maybe this will make you feel better. I was actually waiting for Jade to leave so I can give you your second present. Stay here and don't move. I'll be right back. No more sad faces John! I mean it!"

That last part was said across the apartment as he went in the direction of his room. You couldn't help yourself, it was funny, Dave trying to awkwardly handle other peoples emotions. Truth be told he kinda sucked at it, but you liked to think it wasn't because he was cold or unsympathetic—quite the opposite—he couldn't deal with others emotions because he could barely understand his own hodgepodge of feelings. But he's trying his best so that's what was important right?

A moment later he appeared back in the room ungracefully walking while trying to hide something behind his back.

"God this thing is heavy. You sure you want this John? Maybe I should just throw it out or us it as a paper weight instead."

"Dave shut up and give me this super secret second present already!"

"Alright princess. For you."

And with that Dave withdrew your gift from behind his back. At first you weren't too sure what you were looking at, no scratch that, you knew what it was but you were confused as to why he got it for you. It was a giant hammer. Like freakin huge. The head was as big as your hand splayed wide and the shaft was almost as long as your arm. Thing was it didn't look like one of those construction or woodworking hammers, it reminded you of a blacksmiths hammer instead—except you know, bigger. Reaching forward you grab it yourself, completely caught by surprise at how heavy it was, Dave wasn't lying. Before you could begin a detailed inspection of your new gift your roommate spoke up.

"Soo...you're probably wondering why I got you a hammer of all things. Well that ain't no normal head bludgeoning device you got in your hands. What you have is a specially designed demon smiting hammer. Its got all the works: one side made of iron, the other silver, crafted on a full moon and tempered in holy water, blessed by a virgin priest, yada yada yada bullshit bullshit bullshit, you know the drill. Even the damn hilt was made from a 500 year old oak if you can believe that load of crap."

"Woah...this is...amazing Dave. I don't even know what to say. Wait. If this is a demon killing hammer how can you hold it and stuff, I mean you're still a demon last I checked."

"Oh you're so observant gold star for you. See the thing with this hammer is that it'll only be especially effective against demons once you activate the blessings on it, with your blood."

"I have to bleed on it? That doesn't sound right Dave. Sounds pretty damn shady if you ask me."

"Calm your tits Egbert, you only have to do it once so it becomes bonded to you and shiz. After you do that I wouldn't even be able to pick it up without burning myself silly."

"Oh, well I'll just do that later then. But Dave for real this is crazy awesome, how could you afford all this, it must of cost a fortune. And the bill for dinner too—which you wouldn't even let me look at. All of that is a lot of money."

"Yeah don't get me started on what I've had to do this past week to afford all of this, believe me. You don't want to know. But a portion of the cash did come from your lovely sister, so you should definitely thank her too."

"Wait, that's what you were doing all this week? Why you were barely home? You were out getting money for my gift."

"Yeah what do you think I was doing? Learning Russian? Oh yeah 'S dnem rozhdeniya durak'. Happy birthday stupid. Didn't live with Rose for seventeen years of my life without picking up some of her weird shit."

Really right then you wished you had a smart comment or quip to say but instead all you could do was laugh and not stop. You laughed so hard you had to put the hammer down and lean on it, tears even began to well in the corners of your eyes. After the initial shock of you bursting out laughing Dave started to freak out like he didn't know what to do with himself. Even as you laughed yourself to the floor he flitted around you like a worried hen, which only made you continue all the harder.

"John. John whats so funny. Stop laughing. Oh my god John stop. Look you cant even hold yourself up anymore you laughing so hard. Stop already. Are you OK? Like are you breathing? I mean I know I can take peoples breath away but this is too much. John stop. If I was capable of being scared I would be, which I'm not. John. For real."

"I'm. OK. So stop. Freaking. Out."

It took almost a full minute for you to finally calm down from your fit and catch your breath on the floor as you leaned back against your hands. Wiping the tears from your eyes you looked up to see Daves barely concealed worry. You gave him the biggest dorkiest grin you could muster to show him you were fine. He seemed to take that as 'Johns not dying anymore' and relaxed a bit. Crouching down to his knees Dave sunk to your level so you were at least looking eye to eye, or in this case glasses to sunglasses.

"You alright dude? Worried me for a sec there. Thought I mighta have to take ya to the crazy house or somethin'. I mean something. Fuck."

He must of been really downplaying how worried he truly was, letting his accent slip out like that. With one last deep breath and a rough rake through your hair you were finally breathing evenly enough to speak properly.

"Yeah, yeah I'm good. I couldn't help myself you know? You would not believe what I was worrying about earlier. God it'll sound stupid if I say it now. But I just felt so relieved, I mean, I didn't even realize I was that worried in the first place."

"Worried about what you ass?"

"Like I said, its going to sound really stupid but since you've been gone so much this week I thought you were avoiding me or something, like you didn't want to live with me anymore. That maybe I was getting too irritating and you couldn't bear being here."

"Yeah that does sound stupid, stupid. How could you even think that? It'll take more than your annoying pranks and bad movies to scare me away. You're going to have to use that fancy new hammer of yours if you want me to leave anytime soon. Basically you're stuck with me. For good, you hear me? If you don't I can repeat it all night if you're having trouble remembering."

"Yeah I hear ya. I promise I wont jump to stupid conclusions like that again."

"Good."

"You wanna help me up here Dave? I could use a hand."

Reaching up a hand towards him from your prone position on the floor you were unable to stop yourself from grinning stupidly up at him, even as he hauled you back up to your feet. In a spur of the moment decision you used that upward momentum to catch Dave in a back breaking surprise hug. You felt him tense up and internally freak before calming down enough to hug you back clumsily.

"So why are we hugging Egbert?"

"Because I'm happy and this is the best birthday I've ever had. Thanks."

"Don't mention it. Now stop hugging me before I become unfit to become a bride, then you'll have to take responsibility like a true gentleman."

"I'll shotgun marry you any day Dave. First I just have to find your brother and ask him for your gorilla sized hand in marriage."

"One, my hands are not that big you are tiny John Egbert, get over it. And two, you're stupid. Now lets go eat half of your birthday cheesecake and watch bad late night movies. Like ones with Bruce Willis and Mathew Macaroni in it."

"Its Mcconaughey."

"That's what I said Macaroni."

"Ugh."

With that you and your super crazy awesome roommate spent the night of the twelfth of April sitting on the living room floor, eating cheesecake and watching movies till the sun came up. And although it may of not been your actual day of your birth this was by the best birthday you've ever had.


	5. Let Sleeping Wolves Lie

After the hype of you're birthday had long since past your life eased back to normal, though with a few differences. You're daily routine had a new addition to it. Now along with your day to day duties of ridding the city of its demonic vermin you now had weapons training to add to your schedule.

Within days of receiving your new bitchin hammer you had begun pestering Dave to teach you how to use it properly, and he was more than happy to receive a reason to kick your ass every morning.

After about two weeks of training you finally brought up something that had been tickling the back of your mind. It was right after one of thhe heavier training sessions meant to build your strength rather than skill.

"Dave?"

"Hmm."

"Why did you get me a hammer instead of a sword like you? I mean I really like it and I'm not ungrateful or anything, but, wouldn't of it been easier if I'm just going to be killing them all the same? Just hack and slash 'em to death rather than this slowly bludgeon them to a pulp? And don't answer me with something like 'The sword is too cool for someone as derp as you.'"

"You really want to know my reasoning behind it?"

"Yes Dave or I wouldn't be asking."

"Don't get sassy with me John or I'll make your next workout a living hell compared to now."

"Stop being dramatic and answer the question. There had to be a reason or something, I'm just curious."

Dave gave you an unreadable look from across the room pulling his lips close in a grimace before looking away to stare at the blank wall of the living room . He stood tall, one hand raking through his pale sweat darkened hair while the other grasped the hilt of his sword as it rested against his hip. He turned slightly in your direction giving you a once over before letting loose a snort of breath from his nose.

"Because a sword is an item purely created to kill John. Once a gun or sword is made it has only one purpose, to take life. But a hammer is something that can create and build—not a tool for mindless destruction but something that can be used to protect and defend with."

"But can't a sword be used to defend too? Can't a gun? How is a hammer so much more different."

"Its different because it would take me less than a second to end your life with my blade or shoot your brains out. When you make killing that easy to do any person could begin to take ending a life for granted. I was taught by my father and my bother to never draw my weapon seriously unless I meant to kill, and I would bet Jade was taught the same when wieldin' her guns. But you John? You're not like them—like me. You ain't a killer. So I didn't give you a killers weapon. That simple."

"Wow...I...never thought you took this so serious. I just thought you gave me a badass new toy or something."

"If you know whats good for you you ain't never gonna think of it like that again. I'll make sure of it. I _live _off of pure life energy, so you best believe I learned the value of a life real quick. OK now enough of this unwanted feelings jam. Just for asking me this stupid question you get ten more reps."

"Dave that's not fair! I was just curious!"

"Curiosity killed the cat Egbert, you could do to learn from it. Hmm...maybe I should add five more reps just to push the lesson real home."

Dave being the giant sadist he was made you do all those extra workouts. You couldn't move your arms let alone function correctly for the rest of the week. And just because you were incapacitated didn't mean the training ever stopped, or so Dave said. So it ended up taking you most of the following week to get back to normal.

But thanks to his backbreaking spartan-like training you had finally gotten to the point where Dave gave you the OK to workout on your own, only having to train with him for improving your technique.

Now was one of those times you were able to work with your hammer alone—without Dave's snarky comments beating at your back. You chose to practice every other day after your run through the town, not giving your body a moments rest, going straight into your forms as soon as you made it through the door. What used to leave you gasping for breath and sweating buckets now left you only slightly damp and barley winded. But still stinky, whew.

A nice long shower sounded glorious right about now. But just as you were about to strip in the obvious and thankfully empty apartment your phone sang and beeped alerting you to a text. Pulling your half lifted shirt all the way off you went in the direction of your elusive phone. After finding it hiding under one of Dave's socks you proceeded to check your newest message.

TG: Curry or Chinese take out?

EB: Curry sounds awesome.

EB: Get mine extra spicy since I know you're a delicate little flower.

TG: Fuck your flower John.

TG: Its not my fault you like it so damn spicy you cant taste any real flavor.

EB: It doesn't taste right if its not spiced well enough

TG: Whatev its your taste buds dying a hot chili induced death.

TG: Really what have they ever done to you other than allow you to taste all the colors of the rainbow?

TG: You heartless fiend

TG: Ending their live as if but a dream

TG: What could this mean that you would ream

TG: Their lives asunder seam by seam

TG: Like a tailor with too much time

TG: Or a poem with too much rhyme

TG: The fault lays within your mind

TG: Is that the reason you would perpetrate the heinous crime?

EB: Dave stop rapping and get us lunch.

TG: I thought I knew you bro I thought I did

TG: Are you doing this to satisfy your id?

TG: Or is it your ego

TG: That made you go

TG: Off the deep end?

EB: Are you done now.

TG: Yes

TG: But don't act like my sick fires don't burn hot as the sun.

EB: Don't forget the naan bread Mr. sick fires.

EB: And the mail.

Cool it should take Dave a good thirty minutes to get home leaving you ample time to take a well deserved—and needed—shower. And with perfect timing just as you walked out the shower you heard the front door open.

"Lucy I'm home!"

"Yeah yeah. Just got out the shower dude. Be there in a minute."

"TMI Egbert."

"Says the guy who walks around half naked all the time."

"Hey, a mans house is his castle and if you cant wear fucking pants in your own damn castle what kind of king are you? A shitty one that what."

"Your castle? If I remember correctly it my name on the lease not yours."

"Same difference, it doesn't matter where I go I'm always the king."

"Whatever Elvis, did the king check the mail like I asked?"

One of the great perks of being a guy was that it didn't take you long to get dressed after a shower. Already toweled dry and decked out in a fresh pair of pants left only your still dripping wet hair to attend to. After yelling your question from the doorway of the bathroom you proceeded to attack your scalp with your remaining towel trying to get it as dry as possible. Though while doing that you ended up missing whatever it was Dave had responded with.

"What? Repeat that I didn't hear you."

"I said, yes I got your god dammed mail. And it looks like you got a letter from your old man."

"My Dad? Could you read it to me? I'll be out if a few more seconds."

"Whatever. Don t blame me if your pops spills some embarrassingly juicy info in this supposedly private letter."

"Just read the damn mail already."

"I know you're on the rag this month John but no need to be bitchy, jeez. Lets see, _Dear John happy birthday and congratulations on turning nineteen, I know I was not able to see you for it but just __remember I am so proud of you_ (ugh gag me with a spoon) _here I have inclo_—fuck."

You didn't hear the end of your fathers letter, all you heard was the heavy thump of something large falling to the ground, something Dave sized.

Oh, no.

"Dave! Dave are you OK?"

Apprehension filled your voice as you pulled the shirt the rest of the way down your chest, almost tripping on your own feet as you rushed to the living room where your friend was.

The sight that greeted you was beyond what you could of imagined. On the ground laid Daves prone form, quiet and deathly still, and blood so much blood. Without a thought you rushed to his side to get a better look. This wasn't like the last time you had found him unconscious—it was so much worse.

He was pale—more so than usual—giving a surreal contrast to the bright red blood that covered his face. From his nose, his mouth, even from under his signature shades; there was blood. As if it had been expelled any way it could from his body.

You wanted to freeze, to just stop and just will yourself to wake up because this had to be a dream, it couldn't be real. But it was so very real and you couldn't afford to lock up now.

The first aid skill your father drilled into you kicked in once you shoved away your fright. Leaning over him you checked the pulse at his neck finding it weak but still there. Same for his breath as you hovered an ear over his mouth; harsh and labored but showing more proof that Dave still lived. If only just.

"Dave wake up! You cant pass out on me here I have to take you to the hospital! Come on now I know your stronger than this Dave so speak to me!"

Under you Dave shifted, just barely, but more than enough to trigger a harsh coughing fit, expelling even more blood from from his mouth leaving his breath weak and wheezy when he finally managed to speak.

"...Dicks..."

"This is the worst time for jokes. Can you walk or do I have to carry you so we can get to the hospital?"

"No. Hospitals."

"Why not, you're really hurt Dave, now is not the time for your pride to get in the way."

"Not pride. Cant. Go. Demon. Dumbass."

"You cant go because you're a demon?"

"No. Shit."

It seemed even talking was too much of a toll on his battered body. With another racking cough followed by a weak raspy moan Dave fell back into unconsciousness.

If there was ever a time you were thankful for your recent backbreaking workouts, now was one. With barely a thought you lifted your friend in your arms and took him to the nearest bed, yours. This was now the second time you've had to deposit a bloody unconscious Dave into your bed. But this time was so much more frightening—instead of just being a guy you didn't know he was now someone far more important to you. And you were terrified for him.

Arranging him as best you could you did what your basic medical training recommended for these types of injuries. Grabbing two of the pillows off your bed you placed them under Daves feet elevating his legs to keep his blood circulating properly and to prevent him from falling into shock. Checking his vitals once again you were more than alarmed to find that his pulse had become weaker than what it was only moments ago and that his breaths were coming faster now but much more shallow.

Not wanting to leave Dave for longer than necessary you rushed to where you kept the first-aid kit running back to his side. Cleaning the blood from his face and neck you searched for any sign of visible wounds, even going so far as to remove his shirt. But to no luck, you found not a mark on his skin, and that scared you to the bone. An external injury you could treat, bandage and sew it up, but if Dave was hurt on the inside that made this situation a whole lot worse.

What could you do? Using his last remaining strength Dave had told you no hospitals, not 'no hospitals right now but if its really serious then ok' so how in the hell could you help him without a doctors assistance?

Maybe—maybe he'd be fine like last time, just heal up super fast with his demony powers. He'd be fine, he just needed time to fix himself up and everything would be OK, right? ...Right?

No of course it wouldn't be that easy though would it? After living with Dave for a good two months you learned his feeding schedule pretty quickly. He went out every other day for 'lunch' and as luck would have it now was one of those days. He told you the only reason he had been fine the morning after all that time ago was because he had been filled to the brim with energy at that moment. But he said if that hadn't of been true he wouldn't of had near enough power to heal fully without killing himself in the process.

This time Dave didn't have enough juice to patch himself up, he was going to die. And it was all your fault. You made him read the mail from your father—a fucking demon hunter—and you knew, you _knew_, that at any given time your dad could send you a killing spell he had found. Something new to use for the family job. It was your fault John. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. You just sent your best friend to his death because you were so fucking dumb.

He was still, so still, but not dead, not yet. Lifting the covers on your bead you pulled them over his prone body, trying to stop him from loosing any more body heat than he already had. You pushed away the pale hair that had been sticking to his sweat dampened forehead and felt for his temperature. Dave had always been warm, always much warmer than you were, so it unnerved you to feel him so chill.

Looking down at him you could almost taking him for sleeping, but the blood you didn't manage to get off and the ashen color of his skin ruined any illusions you might of had. You didn't even know tears were running down your face until you saw a drop fall on to the lens of one of his shades. Coming to the realization you were crying only made you sob all the more. You couldn't stop yourself from whispering over and over "_I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Dave its my fault, its my fault, sorry, please, please don't die Dave, plea-se 'ave, sor- so sorry, don-t 'ie, plea- don-, -ie"_

Closing your tear filled eyes you gently lowered your forehead to his, the bridge of both your glasses clicking together, still whispering your endless 'sorry' on deaf ears. On a grief filled impulse you placed a chaste kiss against the clammy area where your forehead had been, mumbling one more apology onto his skin as well.

Slowly, oh so slowly, a thought began to form in your head. Maybe you _could_ save Dave. Shifting your weight onto the side of the bed you aligned your head with his. Dave was going to die because he didn't have enough energy to heal himself, so what if _you_ could give him that energy?

Please work. Please fucking work.

You lowered your face on to his only stopping right before your lips brushed together. Dave was a guy and your friend so the act of kissing him was farthest from your normal everyday thoughts as possible, so this was just a bit—no wait! It was precisely _because_ Dave was your friend that you were going to do this and save his life, so now was not the time to worry over silly things like a kiss. With that last boisterous thought you did it, you kissed Dave.

But mashing your lips to his wasn't going to get the job done. You reached the free arm not supporting your weight above your friend to tilt his head up, causing his mouth to open in the slightest. Once again you put your mouth on his and breathed as if you were performing CPR. Again and again you breathed into him drawing in fresh air from your nose and with every breath willing your own life inside of him.

At first you believed nothing was happening, that your last ditch effort to save your friend was for naught, that he would still die. But as seconds past to minutes the hand you had placed against Daves face and neck registered a change in his pulse, stronger—just barely—but steadier than what it was but moments ago. Maybe it actually was working you thought as you stopped for a moment when a wave of lightheaded-ness struck you. Looking at him for the first time since you started you were glad to see even the pallor had begun to return to his skin. But now was not the time to go patting yourself on the back just yet.

You don't know exactly how long you spent feeding Dave your life force, the passage of time was only marked by the moments you became too weak to hold yourself above him or when the need to breath air only for yourself became too strong. Once more you obsessively checked his vitals fearing that any moment the progress you had been seeing would disappear. All of his signs seemed closer to normal levels but your friend had still shown no sign of waking from his coma like unconsciousness. Well if Dave didn't want to wake on his own maybe if you tried he would. So in the loudest hushed voice you could muster you tried to awaken your sleeping beauty.

"Dave. Wake up. Wake up and prove to me you're not a brain dead potato."

Nothing, not a shift nor eye flutter from the man under you. Maybe if you shook him? To physically bring him out of his stupor. You shift his shoulder moving him slightly, your face searching his for any response to your stimuli. At first there was no effect, but after a few more gentle shakes and a pat to the side of his face you finally got what you were looking for. A twitch to his mouth and a slight pull of his eyebrows were all you received but more than enough to make you giddy with joy.

But knowing he wasn't brain dead did not mean Dave was hale just yet, nor was your self appointed job anywhere near done. Catching your second wind you felt a bit of your lost strength return, only enough so you could give it away again

After kissing Dave the first few times it began to feel less and less like a romantic or weird gesture and became more of a procedure—an act to restore Dave's life and nothing more—not anywhere like the overwhelming first kiss he had forced upon you after meeting him. But after a moment you realized that the current 'kiss' you were sharing with him was different somehow. This time it was not a pair of cold prone lips clasped against yours, they were warm—and moving, if only slightly.

You moved to back up, to break the embrace your mouth had against his, but found yourself unable. Somehow Daves hand had snuck out from under the covers to grasp your shirt effectively keeping you trapped over him. This close to Daves face you could clearly see into his tinted shades and although he was moving his eyes were still locked shut. Shifting once again you try to pull your face away only to find his grip ever tighter on the the front of your shirt, pulling it taunt.

Mumbling into his mouth you try to speak, to maybe somehow snap Dave out of this zombie like trance and let you free.

"Ah 'ave let me go. Wake uhpf."

At first you thought it had worked that he would wake up fully as you saw his face and eyelids twitch. Pale eyelashes moved and lifted showing the the bottom sliver of what had been hidden from you. Through the colored glasses you had been sworn to never remove you saw his eyes for the first time. The colors were distorted, wrong from the tint of the glass, but you could still tell how light his eyes were how vibrant. You desperately wondered what color they actually were, how they looked not trapped behind metal rimmed aviators.

Your face was still tight against his as you tried to pull and awkward smile, locking gazes with him. But something happened and changed mid smile, something that made your blood run cold. It wasn't the fact that the orbs parallel to yours were different, slitted like a cats eyes. No you expected that. What drenched you in fear was the look those eyes were giving you. No recognition, no emotion. These weren't the eyes of your friend. They belonged to an animal, a wounded hungry animal, and you were its prey, it food, because that's all you ever were.

Once again in your fright you try to disengage yourself, primordial instinct screaming at you to flee to run. But even with your new increased strength it was nothing compared to his. With a sharp yank Dave crashed your body on to his own, causing you to land hard atop him. The fear running through your veins hadn't stopped but even as you fell you tried to arrange yourself so as not to crush the demon under you. Dave might not of been himself right now but he was still your friend, hunger crazed sleepwalking sexing devil or no.

In a mockery of what real foreplay was you found you hips straddling his middle, your upper body still bent forcefully to meet against his. Now an active partner Dave moved his mouth against your own deepening the kiss even more. His tongue wound its way farther into your mouth brushing against your teeth tasting you with every movement. Just as you were tasting him. You couldn't tell who was breathing whos air, where one mouth began and the other ended, just heat and the tactile senses of his body touching your own..

The free hand not keeping you in place snaked its way to the back of your head, digging its blunt nails into your scalp before grabbing a fist full of hair. You couldn't help the small moan that escaped your throat as the hand on your head gave another forceful tug. You felt more than saw the demon smile against your lips, smirk at the reactions you couldn't control. Moving his mouth once again Dave licked and sucked your bottom lip, teasing before giving a sharp bite to the tender flesh causing another low moan to leave you.

Curious to find more places on your skin to taste his his lips leave yours, traveling towards your ear and jaw line. With a feathery light touch he licked the cone of your ear, sending tingly waves of pleasure down your body, even as he growled possessively into it. Every smallest trick showed how virginal you were, showed your lack of experience to the more carnal pleasures in life. Quickly getting bored with your ear his mouth found where your jawline met your neck, sucking and kissing wherever he pleased. Making a line of red bruising marks stretching down to your collarbone, all while still tightly holding you in place as you tried to buck away, efforts weaker than before.

In a flurry of motion and strength not yet seen from Dave he reversed your positions on the bed, him now on top with you trapped beneath him, your arms pinned above you with his vice like grip. Looking down at you like captured prey he smiled. Smiled unlike you've ever seen him do—not a smirk nor the basic pull of his lips upward—no, it was the lazy draw of his mouth over the whites of his teeth, revealing them in all their predatory like glory inches above your face.

Try as you might you couldn't stop yourself from babbling up at him trying to bring him back to his senses, to awaken the friend you knew was trapped inside that bleach blonde skull.

"Dave wake up!"

No response except for the condescending smirk as he leaned down closer to you, away from your lips but towards the soft flesh of your neck.

"This isn't you! Come one Dave please!"

You could feel his hot breath getting ever closer as his mouth widened showing the sharp incisors you had always fleetingly noticed, so much for frightening now as they threaten to pierce you.

"Please wake up!"

On the curve of your inner shoulder you feel the barest scrape of teeth. He hums low in his throat pleased to have you weak and writhing beneath him, to have you straddling the hairs breath line between fear and ecstasy—pain and pleasure.

And you were so scared though not for yourself. You knew whatever this demon that was not Dave would do to you it wouldn't kill you—quite the opposite really—and in the end you would be fine. No you were scared that whomever had taken over your best friend had done it for good. That the dorky boy from the south was gone and you would never see him again. A wave of sorrow wracked your throat when you finally spoke, making it crack and your voice weak.

"..Dave s-stop plea-se. Dave."

The head under your chin didn't stray even after your sob filled plea. You twisted your head away from him exposing even more of your neck. If he wanted to bite you then he could do whatever he wanted, as long as you could get your friend back. Squeezing your eyes shut you steel yourself for the sharp pain you knew was coming but as you waited and seconds flew by you peaked to see what was going on.

Head still lowered near your chest you continued to feel each puff of air against your skin as he breathed faster and faster, almost to the point of hyperventilating. One more time you speak your voice wavering with uncertainty.

"Dave...?"

Like a rocket his pale face shot up, immediately locking eyes with you. Still breathing fast he looked at you, at everything from your skewed glasses and flush face, to the love bites on your neck to your kissed red lips. He look horrified. The arm that had been holding your own locked in place shot off you like it burned. Staring down at his hands held before him Daves face was one of disbelief and shock, his face slowly moving attention to one hand then the other, finally ending on your face.

Arms now free you prop yourself upright on your elbows and stare back at the guy sitting on your lap. The silence between the two of you is tight and tense. You felt talking or even moving too fast would shatter it. With a shaking hand you reach toward him just to touch him, to make sure he was real. But Dave flinches from your touch, violently so. With jerky panicked motions he gets off the bed, shirtless and scared, looking down on you with the realization of what hes done. And like an animal confronted with a danger it cant imagine he fled, without a word.

You call after him, yell his name through your parched throat, but to no avail. The slam of the front door and the deathly quiet of the apartment was all that answered you.

Its been two weeks since Dave left like that, fourteen days of you wondering if he'd come back to the apartment that day, fourteen nights proving your frail hope wrong. The bruises on your forearms and neck healed up perfectly, not even leaving you with the sickly yellow marks to prove what happened wasn't a dream. His stuff was still here right where he left it, you hadn't touched a thing.

Today is the fifteenth day and you wonder as you rub the place where the bruises once more if Dave was coming home.


	6. The Road Leads Back to You

was the eighteenth day since Daves disappearance you were tired of waiting. Though pissed off out of your mind would have been a good description of your feelings too. And whether Dave liked it or not you were going to bring his ass home. Question was how to find someone who didn't want to be found.

You had no idea of his life in this city before you met him. Not where he had lived nor where he frequented. Long story short you had no fucking clue where to start. Though technically you had already begun your search, you just weren't very successful in it.

During these past three weeks you weren't idle—sitting in your home pinning away for your best friend to come back—nope, bills still had to be paid and all that jazz. So as you did your job for the city running your ass ragged every day, you kept an eye out for blonde hair and aviators all set together on a smug face you wanted to punch and kiss at the same time. Well not like kiss for real, more like give him a big bro hug and pap his dumb smirking face. Also the thought of your lips on his was probably the last thing Dave would want after what caused him to leave in the first place.

So where to begin? Unlike your father back home and his network, you had no contacts or informants in this city. Even if you did, alerting any possible demon hunter of exactly what Dave looked like and what he was would not of been the best of ideas.

Wait. Maybe you _did_ know where Dave might be. It was a little early at the moment, but if your hunch was correct in a few hours you were gonna get you friend back, though maybe with a black eye or two if you had any say it.

* * *

It took you two hours, seventeen minutes, and a total of three angry bums yelling obscenities in your direction for you to finally reach your goal: the bar Dave took you to what seemed ages ago—the night Jade first arrived.

Now a bit more observant you note faded gold lettering on the door spelling word 'Echidna'barely visible over the dull red paint. _Echidna_—the mother of all monsters. Funny, you wonder if Dave chose this place exactly because of its name. The elegant irony of a demon visiting a place graced by the name of its theological creator fit his dumb sense of humor to a tee, but for all you know he would of chosen the place even if it was called _Satan's Butt-hole_ for the same reason.

Pulling hard at the old jammed door you made your way inside to the dismal entrance, muffled sounds and voices seeping down from above. Just as the time before you climbed the decrepit looking stairs and made your way to the main parlor of the bar.

Compared to your last visit—or what you could actually remember of it—tonight was much much more crowded. Bar patrons rubbed shoulder to shoulder, all transfixed on the entertainment being performed. You weren't close enough to see anything of value but you could hear the tail end of someone singing as the piano took over instead, filling the rooms with its well played melody.

With a lot of pushing, shoving, and polite apologies you maneuver yourself to the front right edge of the crowd surrounding the raised dais. Hiding in the shadow of a large quarterback looking fellow you were finally able to see the singer. Sitting on a bar stool to the left of the piano sat exactly whom you were searching for, you couldn't believe how lucky your hunch was.

Dave looked no different than the days before he disappeared, still immaculate in his sense of style when being viewed, straight necked and smirking, for all intents and purposes reveling in the praise like the proud peacock he was at heart. But as you looked further you saw the all the telltale signs you learned that he was wearing his Strider mask as if his life depended on it. Straight necked though he may have been his back was slumped as his shoulder were hunched inward, protectively curving in on himself as he held the mic loosely between his legs. The smile he gave the crowd was automatic and emotionless, barely causing a change in his face as he did so. You take back what you thought moments earlier, Dave did not look the same as before—no—he looked stressed with every physical move he made screaming how not 'OK' he was.

The piano finally finished with its extended solo as the song came to a drifting end. Pulling the microphone back up to his mouth Dave coughed into it a few time to settle down the praising audience. When they didn't hush sufficiently for his liking he spoke telling everyone to shut up if they wanted him to sing again.

"Much better. Alright you beautiful patrons of this fine drinking establishment, I'm gonna sing somethin a tad personal here but I don't think ya'll would mind, would ya? Recently, very recently actually, I left my home, hurt someone close to me, and left them behind. Can't get that shit off my mind ya know? So, here I was thinkin this shit right here is pretty damn appropriate to sing right about now."

Not even caring what people thought Daves southern accent came in strong as he talked, giving his deep voice that unmistakable difference. Shifting his his stool he corrected his posture, straightening his back as he got into singing position. With one more sweep he scanned the crowd, eyes searching. For what you had no clue, that was till his gaze fell on your own.

Visibly you saw him pale, whatever flush to his face drained out fast as his lips parted in surprise. With a barely audible and strained 'Be right back.' into the mic Dave fled off the raised platform, running away from you. Without pause you gave chase after him, not willing to let him leave you a second time. You catch up as he fumbled with the bulky front door. Thinking this is your chance you reach for him desperately, only for him to yank the door open and evade your grasp once again.

Following him on to the dark street you watch as he continues to run farther and farther from where you were.

Enough was enough.

White knuckled hands balled at your hips as you call after him before he flash stepped away, out of your life. This time for good.

"David Fucking Strider! Stop running from me right now god dammit!"

Converse clad feet stilled as the man you called after finally came to a stop a few yards away from you. He made no move to turn and face you before he spoke, only his tensed back and shaking fists that mirrored yours showed any sign that he was anything but calm as he answered.

"What."

"Don't you _what_ me! What the fuck are you doing Dave? Why haven't you come home yet?"

"Why in the hell would you want me back Egbert?"

"Because you're my friend you addled brained idiot!"

"Friend? Last time I checked friends didn't hurt their friends."

"You didn't hurt me."

"Didn't _hurt_ you?"

Voice filled with surprised anger, Dave whipped around to face you as he walked in hard angry strides till he was within arms reach of you.

"I didn't hurt you? How do you call me commin' with in a hairs breath of raping you not fucking hurting you John?"

"But you didn't do it! You didn't go all the way!"

"So? Just because I snapped out of it this time don't mean you'll be so damn lucky the next. Point is I attacked you! I can't be trusted!"

"That's not true Dave so shut your stupid damn mouth for one fucking second! You were _injured_ fuckass! _Beyond,_ the right state of mind, so screw you saying you attacked me. And second it's not like I went stumbling lips first into kissing you. I knew what I was getting into—so don't you _dare_ devalue what I did to save your life, don't you fucking dare!"

"UGH! You don't get it John, I'm a _monster_! You don't have'ta worry bout bringin normal friends back to life or for em to turn back round and try devour ya!"

"You are _not_ a monster! I've seen monsters, I've even had to kill a few. But you? You're no monster Dave, I knew day one what I was getting my ass into moving in with you, becoming friends with you. And you know what I worried about? NOTHING! Nothing at all Dave, because you aren't someone to be feared. You're as fucking dangerous as anyone else I could meet on the street."

"Not dangerous? Not fucking _dangerous_? What don't you get John! You! Are! Food!"

Practically bellowing at this point he takes the two steps to come within inches of you. Not even giving you a moment to back away Dave wrapped a large hand around your throat—not choking—just strong enough to hold you in place. The points where his blunt nails met the soft skin of your neck blossomed with pain as he tightened his hold as he pulled you closer to him.

"Why cant you get it through your thick skull! I'm a demon and you're my prey. Someday one way or another you bein friends with me will get you hurt. Just cuz I'm not some scary vampire that can suck you dry don't mean I ain't to be fucking feared."

Growled words escaped from his tightened jaw as Dave roughly grasped for the shades that ever obscured his face. With a yank he ripped them off, sending them to the ground to clatter nosily, discarded and forgotten. Boring into your own, Daves eyes locked with yours, red meeting blue for the first time not blocked by tinted glass.

The color of your friends eyes had always taunted you. During the first month of living with him you had tried every trick in the book to catch a glimpse of the them, only to be foiled at every attempt. One night you stood at his bedside, intent on prying his shades away discretely as he slept. In a flash he had caught your wrist pinned only inches from his face. In the quiet darkness of that night he made you swear to never again try to remove his glasses again, you promised.

And now those mysterious orbs you had been chasing were staring down at you with saddened fury. They were so red, so bright and vibrant they almost seemed to glow in the humid spring night. Red like blood on snow they disgusted you with how different—how _wrong_—they were. Scarlet like a field of poppy flowers stretching into the horizon his eyes amazed you with their beauty at the same time. Back and forth you switched, unable to decide whether they were stunning or terrifying. But after a moment choosing which didn't matter, they belonged to Dave—one of the people you cared for most in the world and that made them perfect.

Dave had given pause to let his unveiling sink in, gaze firmly locked on yours as he watched transfixed as each and every emotion flashed across your face. Finally catching your rampant thoughts you open your mouth to speak only for his fingers to tighten harder around your neck once more, stilling the words on your tongue.

"I'll say this just once '_Leave me alone. Don't come looking for me again. Forget about me and go live your life. Be happy John._'"

"No."

"What?"

"No. And if you you think I'm gonna do that you're fucking dumb."

"Wait..How did...?"

"Also if you don't take your hand off me by the time I'm done talking I'm going to punch you in the face."

"You're supp—"

Bam! In one fluid motion you swung your arm, clenched fist meeting Daves jaw square on. Caught off guard he had made no move to dodge nor defend, giving you a clean hit that sent him flying to the ground. You hoped his face hurt as much as your hand did, because you might just punch him again for all that you've been through.

With a groan Dave sat up from the asphalt of the road, one hand rubbing his face as he worked his jaw side to side before be spoke.

"Why didn't it work...?"

"What you mean your demon hypnosis shit?"

"Uh...yeah."

"And you call me dumb. Why do you think me and my family are so damn fucking great at hunting demons? Hmm? Cuz I know the job would be pretty damn hard if all a devil had to do to save its ass was look me in the eye and say 'stop'. FYI it doesn't work on us Dave, it doesn't work on_me_."

"Oh.."

"Nice try though."

"Shut up Egbert."

"Nah you know what I think I'm good, I still have a few things to say. So why don't you keep your ass on the ground and listen for a second. You are _not_ a monster or a menace to me and you are coming home tonight. I know the only reason you keep holding yourself back is because you're trying to 'protect' me. Well stop. If I ever do need protecting you better be prepared to face it with me, side by side. Got that?"

With a sigh he dropped his head and roughly raked both of his hands through his hair until it was a blonde unruly mess. Only once his hands had attacked his scalp enough did he look back up to stare at you. Without his shades you couldn't help but think how seemingly naked Dave looked without them, every emotion glaringly visible compared to poker face he projected when paired with his aviators.

Red eyes filled with resignation Dave sighed once more giving you a weary smirk as he offered his free hand towards you.

"Care to help a brother up?"

"Not sure if I want to, might break my back trying to lift your fat ass."

"John my ass is the opposite of fat—well toned, round, and firm, yes—but not fat."

"Whatever butter-butt, here."

Bending slightly you leaned one arm on your bent knee as you offered him the other for him to grab. Without much pause Dave grasped your hand pulling himself up with your assistance. Noting his discarded shades you swoop down and retrieve them, checking for damage. Excluding some scratches and a small crack on one lens they were fine. After your once over you hand them back to their respective owner, him placing them back on with a mumbled 'thanks'.

"Come on, lets go home. Its like one in the morning and my bed is waiting for me. Also, you are well aware you left your all your stuff, and your wallet, when you disappeared right? What have you been doing for the past three weeks?"

"The bar paid me good money for me to be their canary bird and sing a few times a week, so I managed to get by good enough."

"I'm kinda upset you caught me right as you were about to sing, I really wanted to hear it."

"Too bad Egbert after being forced to crow out song after song for drunk customers all with a fake-ass smile on my face I ain't gonna be singing nothing for no one any time soon."

"No fair. Please. Like sing me the song you were gonna sing about how you left home, hurt your friend, and then cried about how much you missed him."

"T-thats not what I was gonna sing."

"Yeah right. You were about to cry your heart out about how much you _missed_ me."

"Shut your face John or one day you'll wake up duck-taped to the ceiling."

"Fine fine, I'll let you off the hook this time."

With a slight chuckle you roll your head feeling bruises forming where Dave had gripped you, rubbing the back of your neck you try to relieve some of the pain. When you pulled your hand away you saw light streaks of blood, already tacky and starting to dry covering your palm.

"Damn Dave you made me bleed. You hoe."

"Sorry? Want me to lick your wound clean? Make it all better? Put some Hello Kitty band-aids on it?"

"Uh no. I don't want your stinky spit infecting my blood and make my breath smell as bad as yours."

"Dude my breath does not stink, I always smell as sweet as a dozen of roses."

"Roses my ass."

A lone police siren sings in the distance of this crowded city you share as the pair of you make your way back home—together—laughing into the spring night air.


	7. Aviators are the Enemy

"Daavvee...Its hoooottt."

"I know. Stop bitching, this is nothing compared to the south Mr. Snow-bird."

"Don't call me a snow-bird Dave, whatever that means. And I cant help iiittt. The ac broke and its just sooo hottt. I'm gonna diieee."

That statement was emphasized by you thrashing about on the couch like a child, with the high pitched whine accompanying it. Which promptly stopped with a 'whmph' as a pillow hit your face. Sitting up you chucked the projectile back to its origins, which Dave caught no problem.

Laying on the recliner feet hanging off the sides, head propped up, Dave looked just as uncomfortable in the heat as you were. Contrary to the constant 'its not that hot' he kept repeating. His blonde hair was now dark as sweat matted it to his head, his shades almost hiding how hot he actually felt.

Even with both of you dressed in only swim shorts it didn't help lessening the heat one bit. And swim trunks because you had to tell Dave lounging together in only boxers was: too gay, had waay too much chance of possible slippage on either party, and you were not in the mood to get a full show of anyone's dick let alone your best friends.

Not that, in a better scenario, you would want to see his thingy anyway. Whatever.

Energy already drained from the heat you fell back into the position you were previously, looking at the TV but not watching as you tried to ignore the sticky feeling all over your body that even a shower couldn't fix for too long. Glancing though your eyelashes you snuck a peak at your friend, who was watching the TV with the same blank expression you probably had on.

You couldn't believe it had only been three weeks since the night you brought Dave back home. Those first few days had been hard on him, still wary and distant, still thinking you would be better off with him gone. But slowly he had eased back into the life he left so abruptly.

Which was good, but one thing still pissed you off. For the love of god Dave would still not take off his sunglasses in front of you, no matter how much you begged and bothered, nothing. Just to get you to shut up he told you he'd take off his glasses every time you asked, if in return, he got a kiss. And you John Egbert, who yes you will admit has already kissed a dude, is not a homosexual. Though Daves retort still doesn't stop you from asking once in a while, just to see if maybe he changed his mind.

It hasn't happened yet.

Glancing back at the TV screen you watch the scenes flicker one after another, too hot to concentrate. The sound of the news filled the rather quiet room, though to you it was nothing but noise.

"Another citizen reported missing earlier this hot summer day. What can you do to help. More at 6."

For what feels like the millionth time you wipe the accumulated sweat from your forehead. Flopping your arms above your head you stretch along the couch, trying and failing to cool yourself just a bit more. A petulant moan escaped you as the boring program went to a commercial.

"I cant anymore, I cant."

"Cant what. Use your full words John."

"I cant sit in this house another minute until the AC is fixed. I'll be boiled like an egg if I don't."

"So what are you gonna do then? Whining wont get you anywhere."

"That's the problem I don't know yet. Ugh...what day is today? Maybe there's something happening we could totally crash and get me out of this house!"

"John do I look like I have my phone on me?"

You didn't even have to look over to know that Dave was making and up and down motion with his hands, emphasizing his obvious lack of clothes.

"Fine I'll find my own phone."

Peeling yourself off the couch you squint a bit trying to remember where your elusive phone last was. Most likely still in the pants you were wearing before it became too hot to be decent. Lazily you made your way to your room, and after a few seconds of searching in the heaps and piles of clothes you finally found your pants.

And although today should of technically been a bad one, with the AC cutting off and the balls crazy heat, you now had a feeling today was going to be great, maybe even more than you imagined.

* * *

"So what was this big surprise that made you take me literally out of the oven that is the apartment and in to the figurative frying pan that is the outside world? John I though you were better than this, you know how fragile my condition is. I'll melt in this heat, I'll die. Oh how could you. Woe is me."

"Dave shut up. You're a succubus not a vampire so stop being a drama queen. And you, Mr. From the South, told me to stop whining about the heat. Ha, you should feel comfortable around all this heated kitchen-wear Mr. Kettle, oh have you met Ms. Pot? I'm sure you two will just hit it off. Is the wedding soon? Oh I hope so, whose your maid of honor, Martha Stuart?"

"Just answer me before I just go home by myself. And my preferred pronoun is incubus, get it right. God you are so insensitive."

"Hush, we should be there any moment, cant you hear it?"

"No? What am I supposed to hear, the sound of your balls finally dropping?"

He was obviously lying, even you could hear the abnormally loud din of the city, of people packed in close proximity, enjoying themselves. In the last few minutes more and more people began sharing the street you and Dave decided to take, well you decided to take anyway, since only you knew were the pair of you were headed. After another block of walking you finally arrived. Throngs of festival goers crowded together in city square, balloons and streamers bringing color to the buildings and booths. All the way the smell of carnival food tempted you as you got closer and now that smell surrounded you in full force. This was gonna be a great day.

You looked askance at your friend who stood next to you, a smile splitting your face in two. Playing it cool he kept his face as blank as he could, even as he looked down to meet your beaming expression, which you will admit, dropped a bit once it became obvious he wasn't going to say anything.

"Well?"

With an exasperated sigh Dave rolled his eyes, or he did from what you could tell.

"Ok I'll bite, whats going on to deserve all this nonsense?"

"Are you blind as well as dull. I mean the red, white, and blue everywhere didn't give it away? Its the fourth of July dumb-ass!"

You could of sworn you saw him blanch, just a hair, but you ignored that assumption and just guessed the shadow of the wandering cloud that passed overhead was to blame.

"No shit Sherlock, of course I could tell. I really just thought that it was something other than this that you dragged me out of the house for."

"Guh. Dave don't be a bitch, come on you'll have fun, I promise."

Grabbing his hand you guided both of you deep into the fray of the bustling festival, Dave trudging behind like the disgruntled toddler he was. Though his sour temperament eased once you mentioned funnel cakes and cotton candy. After feasting yourselves it wasn't hard to convince him to play the carnival games with you.

You lost every time, Dave won every time. And after every successful game he would give his winnings to any random child that happened to pass by. _'What use do I have for toys? The little brats would enjoy them much more than I could'_ He answered when you finally got curious enough to question him. With the last dollar in your pocket spent and a few good hours killed with your best friend, you finally became aware of the orange glow that filled the air as sunset rapidly approached.

"Oh my god Dave!"

"_Erhmahgurd_ John!"

You actually had to stop what you were about to say to give him a 'what the fuck' type look. Smug fucking asshole. With a huff and a swift shake of your head you were finally able to get back to what you were about to say.

"We need to go! Like right now!"

"..Why?"

"To get a good spot for the fireworks, obviously! If we don't leave now we'll get crappy seats and not be able to see a damn thing!"

"Ok first of all, calm your shit, Dave Strider does not run for anybody. And second, I am not, I repeat—not—going to cram my ass between one fat family with their bad crying children running everywhere and another fat fucking family that stink of beer and KFC, just to get a good look at some fireworks."

"But—"

"Uh uh uh, was I done speaking?"

"No, but—"

"Than shut your trap. What I was bout to say was; I know a much better place if you really insist on watching this silly thing."

* * *

After a quick detour to the corner store Dave took you to the place you least expected to go. Your apartment building.

"If this is some kinda passive-aggressive way of saying you don't want to watch the fireworks you could of just told me and I would of watched them by myself."

In the deepening twilight you couldn't gather much from what you could actually see of his face, let alone with those damned shades on. Damn things, you'll get them off, one way or another. After no response from him you decide to keep your peace—as you entered the elevator, passed the floor to the apartment, and even as you both made it to the top floor of the building. And once more with great effort as Dave walked to the door that led to the roof. Though that silence didn't last too long.

"We cant go up there, the door is—"

The door, marked with "NO UNAUTRHORIZED PERSONEL" ironically, opened with ease. With a look he turned to face you, his eyebrows raised above the rim of his shades, ghostly smirk on his lips.

"—locked. Fucking show-off."

The roof of your building was nothing special. Gravel, gravel, and more tiny gray gravel. Though it looked like Dave wasn't the first person with the idea to come up here. It appeared someone had left an old pair of lawn chairs, but that must have been a long time ago from the extent of the grime and their sun-bleached colors.

"How did you know we could come up here?"

"Me and my, uh, brother, used to come up to the roof a lot back home. So I wanted to see if I could do it here too."

The crunch of the gravel underfoot seemed too loud up here, all the sounds of the city, distant and muted now. Unspokenly the both of you made your way to the unoccupied chairs. The clink of glass on glass, the sound of the plastic shopping bag meeting stone as your friend relinquished his burden—

"Do you miss your family Dave?"

A sigh pushed through the nose answered you first as he fell back into the seat, the old plastic creaking as he got settled, his long legs stretched out before him.

"As much as any normal person does."

You too settled down in the waiting seat, rubbing the dirt off your hands on to your jeans. The rustling of the plastic bag next to you drew your attention away from the dirty chair you were sitting in. Looking up just in time to see Dave pop off the top of one beer with a snap then offering it to you. You accepted, surprised that even after the walk home they were still cold.

Knowing how beer tastes still didn't stop you from making a face as you took a sip of it. Jake and Dad always said beer was an acquired taste, so with another swig you pushed past your dislike. You were gonna like it one day, just, not today. Though you would admit, any cold drink right now felt damn good after the sweltering heat you dealt with today. Looking over you were surprised to see Dave was almost finished with his, knocking the bottle back with one last gulp. Depositing it in the space between you both he leaned over, already grabbing his second helping.

A soft constant breeze blew across the roof cooling the sun heated gravel beneath you as the sun dipped father past the horizon, or what you could see of it, plunging the reds and oranges of sunset into the darker colors of night. Though there was silence between you two, it was comfortable. Though there was something you wanted to know.

"Dave what did your family do for the fourth? Like do demons even celebrate the fourth of July anyway?"

"Hell yes we did, unless you forgot I grew up in the bible belt where we love three things: alcohol, guns, and fireworks. But you really want to know? Like I got to tell you John my stories have warning labels on them cuz they're that fucking good. Warning symptoms of awesomeness may include: diarrhea, vomiting, uncontrollable erections, hallucinations that your life is actually mine, head explosions, head un-explosions, transformation into—"

"Stop blabbering and tell me already."

"Uh fine, don't get your panties in a bunch. Well me and my family, we never really did much, only really celebrating it in passing. Like 'Oh its the fourth? OK kids lets go see the fireworks then go home and back to ignoring each other.' Nothing special, it was just like any other day. But—uh—one time, we did do somethin pretty awesome. That year our old man put out all the stops, and we all helped. Me n' Rose were only bout 9 at that point but we did what we could. Made the best egg salad our tiny hands could make, even if the eggs were cut funny or Rose put in too much mayo. Dirk was 13 I think, and got to be able to use the grill for the first time while my dad taught him how the whole thing worked, showed him how long it took for everything to be cooked just right. Too bad everything ended up burn. But I don't think none of us really cared. Oh and Rox, she made a giant cake, like 3 fucking tiers or something, the icin' was everywhere and I think it was crooked too but I swear it was the best cake I ever had."

You could hear the smile in Daves voice even if you couldn't exactly see it. As he spoke it was only downwards to the unopened beer bottle he held loosely between his legs, fumbling with it every few words, or at the hazy graying sky, but nowhere in your direction. He spoke again, the happiness still lingering as his words spilled out.

"And then, after all that was over, he stuffed us all in the car and said he had one last surprise. Now we had no idea, like the fireworks had already passed, but me and Rose were so excited, we didn't even know for what, bubbling together in the back seat, bothering Bro the whole way there. I think, looking back, Roxy knew what our Dad had planned out. So we drove out past Houston, into the open country area to an open field in the middle of nowhere. See, my old man managed to snag a bunch of those big illegal fireworks, he said we were gonna do the fourth Strider style. It was crazy awesome. He managed to light them all around the same time, flash stepping to each one. And when they went off, damn, they lit up the sky. You wouldn't even believe it Egbert, it was amazing."

That last part was said as he leaned back against the headrest, face staring into what was now a dark night sky. An actual smile sat on his face as he looked up, and you could almost imagine he was watching the scene from his memory once again. You opened your mouth to speak, to ask a question you just thought of, but even before you made a sound something else made one for you.

In front of you and to your right a bright bloom of sound and color exploded, white fire falling like rain with its distinctive hiss. The fireworks had begun, and the question that was on your tongue was forgotten as you became enthralled in the show like you once were as a child. The city you now lived in was well off, and the spectacle reflected that. All colors and designs that fireworks could do went off before your eyes.

So entranced by the sounds and colors unconsciously you raised the now warm beer to your mouth and took a drink, and then forced yourself to swallow it. Ugh, god you hate beer. Carefully you place the drink safely under your seat, hopefully ignored. Finally after a great crescendo the fireworks finished, the silence now odd in comparison to the explosions that just lit the sky.

And now once again it was just you and Dave sitting in amicable silence. Well that was till you got completely bored of doing that. Turning to your side you looked at Dave and nudged his foot with yours, getting his attention.

"Hmm?"

"Now what?"

"I don't know, go home and watch porn?"

"Oh my goddd Dave I hate you, no I will not let tonight end like this. There's still so much time left to do stuff, going home would be soooooooo boring."

"Cool it with the O's cheerios. What ideas do you have Einstein?"

"No..."

"Sigh, am I really the only one capable of thinking how to have fun here? Egbert I thought better of you."

"Really?"

"No. But its ok, I have an idea."

* * *

"_...Dave...isn't this illegal..._?"

"_Yes it is. So be_ _quiet._"

"_I_ am _being quiet...I'm whispering, so this is completely as quiet as I can be._"

"_Not if you don't shut up!_"

You John Egbert, for the first time in your 19 years of life, are right now sneaking into the public pool. Even though Dave said the cops in the area would be too busy catching drunk people to worry about a few kids sneaking into the pool, you were still worried out of your mind.

"_Ok, now I'll give you a boost to the top gate and you just jump down, got it?_"

"_Dont treat me like a child. I can at least do that much._"

"_Well then, up you go princess._"

And without so much as a pause for you to get yourself mentally prepared your asshole of a friend swooped down and picked you up, giving you the much needed support to reach the top of the fence and swing your leg over. After a moment to get your balance you jumped down without hurting yourself. Unlike that one time which you will not speak of. You had to get eight stitches. Just remembering that put a shiver in your spine.

Now it was Dave's turn to jump over. Walking back a few steps he gave himself a bit of running room before making his jump. Like some sort of freak shade wearing fox he jumped high enough to reach the top with ease and without loosing momentum, vaulted himself over. It seemed like being a demon did have some advantages.

It was almost lucky that the air conditioner went out this morning, because neither you nor Dave ever changed out of the swim shorts you were wearing. Getting rid of the uncomfortable option of wet boxers and damp jeans. After just a quick moment to kick off your tennis shoes and pull the t-shirt you had on over your head you were completely ready for the pool. And Dave was only a few steps behind, getting swim-worth just as fast as you.

You worried for a second that the water would be cold, even after the heat of today, but thankfully you were wrong. The news said today's high was in the hundreds and the pool proved it, even though sunset was a few hours ago the water still felt that perfect temperature. You walked in easily farther into the pool, enjoying the feeling of the cool liquid.

Looking back you were surprised to see Dave wasn't following right behind you, instead he was walking on the side towards the deeper depths of the pool. Standing on the edge, shades still on mind you, Dave did a perfect swan dive into the deep-end. You couldn't help shaking your head—the fool wouldn't take off his sunglasses at night nor in the pool—though you weren't one to talk much, you were currently wearing your glasses. And even with those glasses you couldn't tell in the darkness where your friend was, right up until the moment you got your feet pulled out from under you. You only had enough time to suck in half a breath before you were underwater. Kicking up you rushed back to the surface to get another breath of air.

"You."

Big breath.

"Fucking."

Big breath.

"Asshole."

Most of your hair was covering your face after you broke out of the water, limiting your field of vision, but you could still see Daves smirking face an arms length in front of you.

"Pffftt, John you should see your face right now, you look like one of those emo's in high school. Haaa. You nee—"

You didn't really care to hear what he had to say next, choosing the much better option of jumping and dunking him under the water instead. After that the war was on, exactly like donkey-kong. Once the pair of you exhausted yourselves with the fun act of trying to drown one another there was a mutual unspoken agreement that resting would be a good idea, and sitting on the rope that spanned the width of the pool was a great place to do that.

"Oh yeah Dave, I was gonna ask you, what happened to your Dad, you've never mentioned him before."

There was enough light from the street lamps surrounding the building that you visibly saw him shift, just a bit.

"Oh...you uh, sure you wanna know?"

He looked up at you, his hair dark brown from the water, sticking up all which ways, making him look much more like the teenager he actually was. And his infernal shades still on, still blocking most of your view.

"If you don't mind. B-but you don't have to if you don't want to."

"Nah its ok, I'll tell you. First of all he—uh—died, when I was 14."

"..How?"

"To explain that you have know about my mom. My mom was a human and after her and my Dad got together he never fed on anyone else—well that's what Roxy told me happened. He must of loved her a lot. But, she, died giving birth to me and Rose, so we never met her. Roxy was about 7 when she lost out mom, Dirk was 4 so he wasn't as sad. After she past Rox said he, dad, was never the same. What I remember about him was a distant guy who tried his best to be a father. It was hard back then, thinkin' your old man don't love you, which wasn't true, but you know how kids think at that age. That year with the fireworks and all, that was the last time we did stuff as a 'family'. Slowly after that he started to go downhill, like the fireworks was his goodbye or somethin'. But like, even with him feeding barely once a week he started to do it less and less, until he just, stopped. He wanted to die, just sat there willing it, starin' at nothing. Kinda hard to deal with at 10, but it was harder for Dirk and Roxy. Because once he stopped bein' a parent that meant they had to. I think Rox had it the hardest, since pops wouldn't feed she took it upon herself to do it herself."

"What?! Really?! Like, what I had to do for you, uh mouth to mouth, kissing type stuff?"

"Yes."

"John, what am I?"

'A demon?"

"Good, more specifically..?"

"An incubus demon?"

"Better. Now what do I live off of?"

"...Human energy? I don't see where this is going Dave."

"Now just stick with me here. It became actually necessary for me to ingest energy when puberty hit got that? Now do you think I was mackin on classmates when I was in middle school John? Do you? No, that would be bad. Put me on the fast track to getting chased out of town with fire and pitchforks. Here's an analogy that should make you actually understand. A momma bird feeding her chicks with food she already caught—same difference. Except instead of me and my siblings being fluffy half naked tweety-bird rejects gorging on a bird mom throw-up buffet, we got it from Roxy. And she and Dirk had got if from dad when they needed to, before he, you know."

"So, what happened next.."

"We were only kids back then, all of us, so if we let him die there was a fat chance of us getting hauled off and split up. Dirk and Rox wouldn't let that happen. So Bro started up his weird puppet porn site to put meat on the table while Roxy went out almost everyday, sometimes twice, to bring us the energy we all needed. I don't know how she did it John. Dirk was old enough to go out and hunt a bit on his own but he was only 14 then, smart as fuck, but still 14. He could only do it so many times without drawing attention, so my sister had to fill his gap too. She sacrificed everything to keep us all alive, so I didn't—don't—blame her for wantin' to be drunk 24/7. None of us had the heart to stop her, even if she was only 17. We all continued like that until Dirk was 18 and we could finally support ourselves. And Roxy just stopped giving Dad energy one day. None of us told her to start back up, I was already like livin' with a corpse, now was just time to bury him. All of us said our goodbyes to the man that used to be our father, all tucked up in bed, IV's everywhere and monitors, the slow beep beep fillin his room. That's my last memory of him. After he died Dirk threw us all in the car and we left Texas for good , never looked back."

The words spilled from Daves mouth, saddened but strong. He never looked at you as he spoke, always to his hands or the open sky. He spoke like he needed to tell someone, the way his story flowed out of him. He would probably never admit this but you guessed you might have been the first person hes ever told this. You knew it was a bad—make that horrible time—to be happy, but you couldn't help the small bit of joy that mixed in with the melancholy feelings inside of you.

"I, uh, wow. Sorry to hear that he went in such a sad way, but I really appreciate you telling me."

"Don't mention it Egbert."

"I—"

"No really don't mention it."

You two were sitting close, almost shoulder to shoulder, but even then you could barely tell what your friend was feeling, aviators blocking your view. Finally you were fed up. Slowly, but determined, you moved closer to Dave, thankfully catching him off guard. In one swift motion you pushed back the shades to the top of his head and put your lips on his. It wasn't for long, only enough time to manage to pull the glasses completely off him. You opened your eyes once you broke the kiss, meeting red eyes noticeable even in the darkness.

Right now you were already so surprised you managed to go through with it that you didn't even have time to feel embarrassed about what you just did. Unlike Dave, who kinda had that deer trapped in a pair of headlights type of look.

"T-there, I did what you said. One kiss in exchange for your shades."

Still looking a bit glazed over Dave opened his mouth to retort only to be interrupted by an explosion over head. Looking up it seemed like someone had taken it in there own hands to extend the holiday celebrations and lit a bunch of fireworks. One after another they went off, lighting up the sky much like they did earlier. Glancing over it seemed Dave's face may have been a bit more flushed than usual but it was probably just the fireworks making you see things.

After a few minutes the surprise show was over, plunging the night back into darkness. It seemed that in that time Dave had lost his will to finish what he was about to say, choosing to sit in broody silence. And you could actually tell it was broody because his eyebrows were knit together a bit as he continued to look up at the night sky. A quick nudge with your elbow to his ribs got his attention.

"What?"

"No need to be like that sourpuss. I was gonna say next year we should have a barbeque, with cake and fireworks ourselves. That would be awesome."

You managed to see his eyes widen before he hid his expression, choosing to look down at the water instead. But you were able to catch a glimpse smile, or what was a smile in Strider standards. He responded to your awesomely awesome idea a few seconds later.

"Maybe we could invite your crazy sister too. Maybe."  
"Yeah, that sounds good."

Far in the distance you could still hear revelers enjoying this holiday as an excuse to party and drink. But right now, sitting in the pool with your best friend, the quiet sound of water hitting stone, you couldn't feel any farther away.

* * *

~Hey everyone! I just wanted say that I'm terribly sorry for how out of hand my lack of updating became. But I am so so proud of you all for patiently waiting for so long. Just so the likelyhood of this happening will lessen you guys can find me on tumblr at -stelacestine- so please feel free to come by and bother me, I always love to chat.~


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